NSFWMy Rude Awakening Ch. 15
By Stellargirl
Ch.15 - Perceived Expectation
I saw my cab entered into a driveway surrounded by all similar looking high-rise apartments. I was a bit concerned pa na I might get lost or maubusan ng oras kakahanap ng place ni Dan but luckily the driver dropped me off near the exact lift lobby ng apartment block nila.
Finding where to go wasn't as confusing as I initially thought it would be as there are directional signs naman everywhere. The lift only stops at a certain floor level (3, 5 & 9) which is weird but luckily Dan's unit was among the stopping point. I can feel my heart rhythmically pounding to every step while I navigate along the open corridors. Why am I here again?
Dan's Crib. For illustration purposes only.
Malayo pa ako sa unit ni Dan pero my mind was way ahead of me like I’m already at the front door imagining kung anong malanding posing ba ang gagawin ko. Should I wet myself and do it Elisha Cuthbert style? or dive in and do any of Barney & Ted's 'Naked man' pose? I wasn't even sure pa nga if he still expects me to come but I was hoping for it. I wanna surprise him and see this appalling reaction when he sees me.
As I got closer to his unit, I realized that this apartment building is way different from what I had imagined prior. I wasn't expecting it to be too 'open' or exposed. Primarily, I envisioned myself walking into like a secured condominium hallway na I could just walk into his front door and knocked without anyone noticing. At that time, hindi pa ako familiar sa mga HDB living ng Singapore eh. I wasn't even aware pa nga na most of the resident pala are flat sharing.
Dan’s unit was all the way to end, may paliko and his front door is adjacent to another front door of a different unit. Doors are gated and the door itself seems solid and heavy and I doubt anybody from the inside could hear me knocking. I felt so exposed just standing there tapos yung next unit naka open pa yung door nila and I can hear people inside watching TV. The corridors are open and friendly to the point of accidental recklessness. In fact, I can see a few residents coming from the lift lobby and from the corridors of the opposite block.
I prefer not to draw any attention from the neighbours by knocking the door loud or just standing there suspiciously. So I decided to call Dan sa phone ko even though I wasn't even sure what to tell him... All I could think of was sira na plano ko. Hindi man lang sya nag “hello” when he answered the call. I heard him asking me agad with asserting voice na “Saan ka!?”
I paused for a few seconds... disappointed for failing to surprise him. But, I was dreading to see his reaction when he sees this horny chic at his doorstep. So, I wanted to keep the convo as short and vague as possible to avoid any awkwardness on my part by going to his place just to get laid.
“I’m waiting outside... sa labas ng door ng unit mo...” I answered and hung up the phone agad. He tried calling me again twice pero both times I cancelled his call. “Shit naman... no need to call me, just open the freaking door…” mejo naiinis ko pang bulong sa sarili ko.
I waved my hair and opened a few extra buttons of my pink sleeveless top. My left hand in my waist while my right hand is carrying down the strap of my shoulder bag. I angled my face a little bit while looking straight and slightly biting my right lower lip... trying to project myself sexy.
It took awhile bago ko narinig yung pag unlock ng door. My exhales were extra long and softly said “shit” sa sarili ko while maybe biting my lower lip a little too hard in anticipation of Dan’s reaction when he sees me. Finally, the door opened and I was floored sa nakita ko…
It wasn’t Dan. It was some other dude.
I froze to where I was standing and I couldn’t even move. I heard the guy asking if I was looking for Dan. I saw the guy smirked pa nga at my reaction dahil speechless talaga ako as in walang words na lumalabas sa bibig ko. He opened the gate and invited me to come in. My body felt numb at hiyang hiya sa nangyari.
“Pasok ka, may binili lang si Dan sa labas, kakatawag lang nya sa akin...” Sabi nung guy while standing inside, holding the door and waiting for me na pumasok.
“Uhm.. here nalang po ako... call ko muna si Dan...” I said while inangat ko casually yung bag ko around my chest and trying to pretend na I was looking for my phone where in fact I was actually trying to cover the unbuttoned part of my top.
I took my phone in one hand while my other hand is hugging my bag ng mahigpit. While waiting for Dan to answer my call, I noticed that the guy in front of me was talking to some other dude inside the unit. I leaned forward to see who it was pero hindi ko sya kilala. "Is this a joke..." I recall telling myself our of anger. I walked backwards and turned around when Dan answered the call. I was about to lash on him discreetly but before I could even speak, Dan cut me off agad and tried to tell me something in a hurry.
“J saan ka? Hindi mo ako sinasagot kung pupunta ka... Sina Christian parating dyan sa bahay at maglalaro ng X-box at inuman…biglaang plano, on the way na sila!...” taranta nyang pagkakasabi.
“What? akala ko kay Brian sila pupunta? Saan ka ba?” Mejo nagpapanic na din at nanginginig yung boses ko
“Housemate ko si Brian, shet! Nasa labas ako may pinapabili sila... akala ko hindi ka na pupunta tanong ako ng tanong at tawag ng tawag sayo kanina pa….” sabi ni Dan.
“Malayo yung lakad ko pabalik. Wag ka muna bumaba at umalis baka mag ka abutan pa kayo... may hagdan dyan malapit, baba ka lang ng ilang floor... dyan ka na muna magtago tapos tawagan kita kung pwede ka na umalis... magpapaalam nalang ako kunwari sa kanila at pupuntahan nalang kita sa hotel mo mamaya...” He said almost shouting sa kaba.
I began to panic and couldn’t think straight anymore. His plan makes a lot of sense pero parang lutang na lutang yung isip ko na hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano gagawin ko. I walked further and saw the staircase he asked me to take. I glanced back to Dan's doorstep and noticed that the door was still open and the metal gate seems unlocked… pero the guy who opened the door earlier wasn’t there anymore which is good since hindi ko na kailangan magpaalam.
"May tao sa unit nyo kaya... they saw me..." I asked him while trying to decide what to do
"Okay lang yun hindi ka naman nila kilala..." pa-assure pa nya
I hung up the phone then headed towards the stairs and went down a few floors. I sat through the steps ng malungkot and feeling very disappointed. I buttoned back my top while feeling hiyang hiya sa nangyari. What a forking disaster!
Then I heard a few people walking along the corridor close to the stairs na kinauupuan ko. OMG, my heart instantly jumped thinking it was Christian & co. even though I know for sure it wasn't them. Yet still, my quick reflexes reacted quickly and got myself up in a hurry while pretended to be climbing up stairs para hindi naman ako mukhang ***** just sitting there suspiciously. I recall thinking there's no way I can last long sitting there waiting without passing out from emotional collapse.
I messaged Dan and told him how uncomfortable I am and there's no way I can wait and sit there for very long. Sabi ko na I'll take my chances nalang na bumaba and will do my very best to avoid anyone. Dan explained the complexity of making my way out and there's a chance I might get lost and risk myself pa lalo.
"Mas safe ka pa sa room ko magtago kesa maligaw ka sa baba at baka maabutan ka pa nila..." hirit pa nya.
Would it be too much of a risk if I hid inside of Dan's bedroom instead of seating here shitting myself? The thought of Christian and his friends innocently playing their stupid video game while completely unaware na I was in Dan's room and doing some sneaky sex, just flipped me back to my libog state. I immediately felt the heat crawling along my arms and body all the way to neck and face.
The idea resonates more like a 'fantasy' that sounded pretty cool to experience... but in reality, there's no way you are doing it or even capable to pull it off. Stuff like that never happened for real and most likely only existed in fictional stories or porn movies. At that moment, unexpected circumstances have given me a rare opportunity and a chance to 'make it happen' even though I wasn't sure how. It's all up to me at kung gugustuhin ko lang.
The nerve-racking thought of possibly getting caught instantly turned in to 'trying to find a way to pull this crazy idea off'. I knew that Dan isn't sharing his room with anyone as he has plans of moving his family with him very soon. Also, there are only two guys currently at his apartment and both are strangers to me. I can get through them if I wanted to.
My thoughts were distracted once again when I heard a few people walking near the staircase I'm sitting in. Instead of going down, napaakyat ulit ako sa stairs out of panic. When I reached the above floor I saw another resident naman palabas ng unit nya. So tuloy tuloy lang ako sa pagakyat until I was back on the same floor where Dan's unit is... like sex gods are trying to maneuver me back there. I decided to not overthink anymore and gather every lakas ng loob I have left. Screw it… bahala na!
I went back to Dan’s place and noticed that both the entry door and gate were still open. I peeked inside and saw the other guy alone sitting in front of the TV and looks like his full attention was on the screen playing a video game. Hindi ko na makita yung guy na nag open ng door sa akin earlier. I looked to my right while anxiously staring down the lift lobby and worrying that Christian & co. will show up any minute. I didn’t wanna waste any more time...
“Uhm..hello po” Sabi ko then I saw him turned his head and looked towards me. Medyo natataranta pa sya habang lumalapit sa pinto..
“Sabi ni Dan sa room nalang daw nya ako maghihintay...” sabi ko while feeling confident pero deep inside hiyang hiya ako at kinakabahan.
The guy let me in but told me na he’s also just a guest lang din so hintayin daw namin si 'Kuya Eric'. Eric is the guy who opened the door sa akin earlier pero may kausap lang daw sya sa phone. I just stood there next to the living room window when he offered me to have a seat... pero I didn't really wanna sit next to him so tumanggi ako. Standing there felt awkward and uncomfortable so I leaned in facing the window na lang pretending to admire the view. Mejo creepy lang when I caught him glancing at me through the glass reflection.
I’ve never felt so exposed and embarrassed in my life. Every second standing there felt like an hour of standing fully naked in public. I noticed him na patingin tingin sya sa akin, probably wondering what a chic like me doing in there or why am I looking for Dan and wanting to wait in his bedroom. I won't blame him if he thought of me as some kind of a call girl/hooker… I mean, there's no decent girl would go to a guy’s place that late in the evening for nothing.
Adrenaline helped my confidence in place. Shame eventually faded and I began to embrace the situation I was in. I went there to get laid so what diba? mainggit sila? I glanced at him sa gilid ng mga mata ko without noticeably turning my head. Zero fucks if he thought that I’m too attractive to be victimized by Dan or was I corrupted, forced or being blackmailed or drugged or any sort of logical reasons just to explain kung bakit nandun ako. I quickly spun that embarrassing situation into a perverted thought. It really turns me on when being challenged for being too good to be true. It fuels me to do something crazy…
I saw Eric came out from a door which I assume where the kitchen area is and before he can muster any word, I told him agad what I said to the other 'guest' guy. He stood next to the corridor ng room sabay turo sa akin kung nasaan yung room ni Dan. "Excuse me po..." I said while smiling to the guest guy as I walked past the TV. Eric couldn't even look at me straight habang tinuturo nya yung pinaka dulong pinto ng corridor. I headed towards the room and quickly shut the door pagpasok ko sa loob.
Dan’s bedroom wasn't what I expected. Well, it is magulo at makalat pero given na yun sa mga lalaki. I was more surprised at how spacious the room was. The ceiling lights were off but the floor standing lampshade (from IKEA) was left open- providing a warm glow and zen-like mood. The room has a double size bed, built-in closets with sliding mirror as doors. He also has his own separate bathroom.
I was pretty proud of myself for having the courage of getting there. I was shaking my head in disbelief to the thought of putting myself at risk of getting caught for something Dan didn't ask me to do. He floated the idea but I came here on my own. Am I really gonna let him fuck me while Christian and their tropa are just outside the room? I saw myself smiling sa closet door mirror with that perverted thought running inside my head.
I sat on the sofa chair while waiting for Dan to arrive. I noticed the laptop sitting in front of me was left turned on but the screen was off, power-saving I guess. You know that feeling na when you are nervous and you are just looking for something to do without thinking or just trying to get off your mind on something then mangangalikot ka ng kung ano ano… well my hand accidentally touched his laptop mouse and suddenly his laptop screen pops back on. His browser filled the screen with his Facebook profile logged in plus several tabs showing my profile page and photos. Stalker!
I noticed a few chat window flashing at the bottom part ng screen including our chat window when suddenly I remembered something that almost jumped me off my seat. "Fuck our video!" halos isigaw ko sa taranta as I scrolled around our chats in a hurry hoping to delete them forever… Thank God it was right there and deleted it right away from existence.
Suspicious pa rin ako as I thought maybe that wasn't the only copy. So, I hovered around those folder na nakabukas trying to look for the main video file but no luck. I went to look for all recently opened files but it wasn’t there. That’s when I confirmed that the only copy left is the one inside his phone pa.
The possibility that he shared the video to others suddenly hit me. I checked his Facebook again and scan through every chat he made. Nothing... what a relief!. Then I noticed a chat between him and Brian earlier and I got curious how the conversation went.
Brian: Pre pauwi na din ako kasama ko sila Christian, Jeff, etc… Bili ka ng chips, yelo, ikaw na bahala!
Dan: Ah kasama si Christian? Akala ko ba kasama nyo si J?
Brian: Oo kasama pero pauwi na din, ihahatid ata ni Christian... sayang pero mukhang binabakuran talaga ni Christian. Kups talaga eh, Off-limits daw kasi tropa nya daw yung ex-bf nito sa pinas at parang magbabalikan sila...
Dan: Hahaha ganun ba… pauwi na si J?
Brian: Oo uuwi na, flight na daw bukas. (I guess Dan believed him na pauwi na talaga ako)
Dan: Pre wag mo nalang ipagkalat pero ex yan ni Christian. Yan yung syota nya dati na kwinekwento nya na naghiwalay sila tapos naalala mo heartbroken si Christian na halos every weekend puro inuman tayo nun.
Brian: Weh? Paano mo nalaman? Sinabi nya sayo?
Dan: Oo inamin nya din sa akin… kasi nababadtrip sya nung una kay Christian dahil hindi sya pinakilalang ex-gf nya sa atin. Ako nalaman ko kasi naka-FB ko yan, nalaman ko sa lumang posts nya na magsyota sila.
Brian: Kaya pala kung maka bakuran tong si Christian e..haha … alam ba ni Nat? Baka kaya ayaw sabihin
Dan: Dehins ko alam pre. Basta alam ko badtrip sya kay Christian nung ka-”date” ko sya last week hehe
Brian: haha barbero ka ...nag kakitaan lang daw kayo sa Clark Quay eh
...di tayo uubra parekoy mukhang mataas standards e. Kakapayag lang makipag date bukas kay Jeff at sikreto lang daw kay Christian. Dinaan sa pogi. Yung itsura ni Jeff halatang nagyayabang amp.
Dan: Hehe ganun ba. Popormahan ba ni Jeff?
Brian: Oo..mukhang seryoso e. Mukhang type din sya ni J. kung **** **** lang tayo eh...
Dan: Taena trip na trip mo din si J ah!
Brian then shared a stolen photo of me.
Brian: Hehe ganyan mga tipo ko e malakas dating. Edi si J pala yung banal banalang syota dati ni Christian? Kaya pala semplang ka din, di ka uubra...demonyo ka e hahaha
Dan: Hehe ayoko na lang magyabang pre. Maiinggit ka lang.
Brian: May bago ka ngayon diba? Pakilala mo naman kahit sa akin lang. Hindi ko naman lalaitin e hehe
Dan didn't respond to that last message. I didn't upset me when Dan confirmed to Brian the truth about my previous relationship with Christian. I was more concerned about Dan finding out about my date with Jeff. Regardless, he impressed me for keeping everything we did a secret.
I hover around his messenger and went to read some of the chat messages from their group. All sort of topics is in there so I decided to look for their group convo the night when Dan and I fucked inside my hotel room. Dan already shared a few screenshots for me but I wanted to read the rest of it.
While scrolling up the chat history, I stumbled upon their bantering convo several days 'after' our wild night. There's a lot of joking around, asaran at hiritan, then there was Christian burying Dan for pretending na napapayag nya ako makipag-date sa kanya. I'm sure it was all for fun and everyone was having a laugh about it. Dan wasn’t saying much pero nakiki-ride din sya sa biruan.
“Pre, don't worry wala naman akong planong syotain yang si J. Gusto ko lang bigyan ng isa bago ko isoli sa ex-bf nya….hahaha...after nun kanyang kanya na!” reply ni Dan na dinaaan nya sa biro pero sa tingin ko patama na din nya kay Christian.
I scrolled down further looking for Christian’s response to that comment pero wala. He chickened out. I wanted to know his reaction sa pagiging directness ni Dan na kahit pabiro lang. Pabiro na posibleng totoo. Of course hindi sya biro, he really did gave me 'one'... so I was dying to find out how's Christian's gonna take it.
On the contrary, I felt really bad talaga for Dan. He became everyone's laughing stock and yet he still chose to kept everything a secret. He could have easily share it to them, wala naman akong magagawa eh lalo na he has this video pa as proof.
Despite his rude treatment towards me, he cared not to destroy my image just so he can brag for his own sake. I found that really attractive about him. I'm glad that I snooped around and read them. At that time he provided me with great ease sa mga possible pang mangyari sa amin. Honestly, I wanted to make him feel so lucky and repay him for being so trustworthy as he really deserves to be rewarded.
He cared for me more than I cared about myself. Sa totoo lang ako pa nga yung naglalagay sa sarili ko at risk by insisting to come inside his room knowing na any minute eh parating na din sina Christian at nasa iisang flat lang kami lahat.
I could’ve followed what Dan suggested to wait somewhere hidden and then ran away when I had the chance. Instead, I came inside his flat and his room na walang pakialam sa iisipin sa akin ng mga bisita at housemate nya. Why? Did I do it for myself thinking his room was a better hiding spot? Or do I want him to feel proud in front of his friends na pinupuntahan sya ng babae just to get laid?
I grew up thinking about sex as a one-way street. Only guys are after and longing for it so by right it's up for them to do all the work right? All I have to do is pumayag and just lay there and let them do whatever they want to do.
That was my rationale when Christian and I were still dating. I really thought that was enough and already doing him a favor just by 'pagpayag' ko. At that time the satisfaction I had from our so-called 'sex' doesn’t come from anything he did physically. Sure he did everything to his knowledge naman to make me feel good and yes they are 'fine'... just nothing to really talk about.
Christian and I only did it for a couple of times pero yung mga 'pagpayag' ko was not because of the physical 'sarap' feeling but more like the mental pleasure of rewarding him for earning my trust. I wasn't even doing anything special and in fact, I just lay there like a log and most of the time finish him off with a handjob and that was more than enough for him. Paano pa kaya kung aggressive ako? Good or bad sex, satisfied or not, at least I was mentally overjoyed seeing him happy and feeling lucky.
I realized that I wasn’t just this submissive girl who enjoys being dominated at binabastos ng mga lalaki. I wasn’t just a sociopath who revels cheating. Well, cheating has always been my motivation to break bad... but the pleasure comes from making a guy feels happy, satisfied and fulfilled both physically and mentally. Dan might be right about me along; Magpasarap ng lalaki has always been my true nature.
By Stellargirl
Ch.15 - Perceived Expectation
I saw my cab entered into a driveway surrounded by all similar looking high-rise apartments. I was a bit concerned pa na I might get lost or maubusan ng oras kakahanap ng place ni Dan but luckily the driver dropped me off near the exact lift lobby ng apartment block nila.
Finding where to go wasn't as confusing as I initially thought it would be as there are directional signs naman everywhere. The lift only stops at a certain floor level (3, 5 & 9) which is weird but luckily Dan's unit was among the stopping point. I can feel my heart rhythmically pounding to every step while I navigate along the open corridors. Why am I here again?
Dan's Crib. For illustration purposes only.
Malayo pa ako sa unit ni Dan pero my mind was way ahead of me like I’m already at the front door imagining kung anong malanding posing ba ang gagawin ko. Should I wet myself and do it Elisha Cuthbert style? or dive in and do any of Barney & Ted's 'Naked man' pose? I wasn't even sure pa nga if he still expects me to come but I was hoping for it. I wanna surprise him and see this appalling reaction when he sees me.
As I got closer to his unit, I realized that this apartment building is way different from what I had imagined prior. I wasn't expecting it to be too 'open' or exposed. Primarily, I envisioned myself walking into like a secured condominium hallway na I could just walk into his front door and knocked without anyone noticing. At that time, hindi pa ako familiar sa mga HDB living ng Singapore eh. I wasn't even aware pa nga na most of the resident pala are flat sharing.
Dan’s unit was all the way to end, may paliko and his front door is adjacent to another front door of a different unit. Doors are gated and the door itself seems solid and heavy and I doubt anybody from the inside could hear me knocking. I felt so exposed just standing there tapos yung next unit naka open pa yung door nila and I can hear people inside watching TV. The corridors are open and friendly to the point of accidental recklessness. In fact, I can see a few residents coming from the lift lobby and from the corridors of the opposite block.
I prefer not to draw any attention from the neighbours by knocking the door loud or just standing there suspiciously. So I decided to call Dan sa phone ko even though I wasn't even sure what to tell him... All I could think of was sira na plano ko. Hindi man lang sya nag “hello” when he answered the call. I heard him asking me agad with asserting voice na “Saan ka!?”
I paused for a few seconds... disappointed for failing to surprise him. But, I was dreading to see his reaction when he sees this horny chic at his doorstep. So, I wanted to keep the convo as short and vague as possible to avoid any awkwardness on my part by going to his place just to get laid.
“I’m waiting outside... sa labas ng door ng unit mo...” I answered and hung up the phone agad. He tried calling me again twice pero both times I cancelled his call. “Shit naman... no need to call me, just open the freaking door…” mejo naiinis ko pang bulong sa sarili ko.
I waved my hair and opened a few extra buttons of my pink sleeveless top. My left hand in my waist while my right hand is carrying down the strap of my shoulder bag. I angled my face a little bit while looking straight and slightly biting my right lower lip... trying to project myself sexy.
It took awhile bago ko narinig yung pag unlock ng door. My exhales were extra long and softly said “shit” sa sarili ko while maybe biting my lower lip a little too hard in anticipation of Dan’s reaction when he sees me. Finally, the door opened and I was floored sa nakita ko…
It wasn’t Dan. It was some other dude.
I froze to where I was standing and I couldn’t even move. I heard the guy asking if I was looking for Dan. I saw the guy smirked pa nga at my reaction dahil speechless talaga ako as in walang words na lumalabas sa bibig ko. He opened the gate and invited me to come in. My body felt numb at hiyang hiya sa nangyari.
“Pasok ka, may binili lang si Dan sa labas, kakatawag lang nya sa akin...” Sabi nung guy while standing inside, holding the door and waiting for me na pumasok.
“Uhm.. here nalang po ako... call ko muna si Dan...” I said while inangat ko casually yung bag ko around my chest and trying to pretend na I was looking for my phone where in fact I was actually trying to cover the unbuttoned part of my top.
I took my phone in one hand while my other hand is hugging my bag ng mahigpit. While waiting for Dan to answer my call, I noticed that the guy in front of me was talking to some other dude inside the unit. I leaned forward to see who it was pero hindi ko sya kilala. "Is this a joke..." I recall telling myself our of anger. I walked backwards and turned around when Dan answered the call. I was about to lash on him discreetly but before I could even speak, Dan cut me off agad and tried to tell me something in a hurry.
“J saan ka? Hindi mo ako sinasagot kung pupunta ka... Sina Christian parating dyan sa bahay at maglalaro ng X-box at inuman…biglaang plano, on the way na sila!...” taranta nyang pagkakasabi.
“What? akala ko kay Brian sila pupunta? Saan ka ba?” Mejo nagpapanic na din at nanginginig yung boses ko
“Housemate ko si Brian, shet! Nasa labas ako may pinapabili sila... akala ko hindi ka na pupunta tanong ako ng tanong at tawag ng tawag sayo kanina pa….” sabi ni Dan.
“Malayo yung lakad ko pabalik. Wag ka muna bumaba at umalis baka mag ka abutan pa kayo... may hagdan dyan malapit, baba ka lang ng ilang floor... dyan ka na muna magtago tapos tawagan kita kung pwede ka na umalis... magpapaalam nalang ako kunwari sa kanila at pupuntahan nalang kita sa hotel mo mamaya...” He said almost shouting sa kaba.
I began to panic and couldn’t think straight anymore. His plan makes a lot of sense pero parang lutang na lutang yung isip ko na hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano gagawin ko. I walked further and saw the staircase he asked me to take. I glanced back to Dan's doorstep and noticed that the door was still open and the metal gate seems unlocked… pero the guy who opened the door earlier wasn’t there anymore which is good since hindi ko na kailangan magpaalam.
"May tao sa unit nyo kaya... they saw me..." I asked him while trying to decide what to do
"Okay lang yun hindi ka naman nila kilala..." pa-assure pa nya
I hung up the phone then headed towards the stairs and went down a few floors. I sat through the steps ng malungkot and feeling very disappointed. I buttoned back my top while feeling hiyang hiya sa nangyari. What a forking disaster!
Then I heard a few people walking along the corridor close to the stairs na kinauupuan ko. OMG, my heart instantly jumped thinking it was Christian & co. even though I know for sure it wasn't them. Yet still, my quick reflexes reacted quickly and got myself up in a hurry while pretended to be climbing up stairs para hindi naman ako mukhang ***** just sitting there suspiciously. I recall thinking there's no way I can last long sitting there waiting without passing out from emotional collapse.
I messaged Dan and told him how uncomfortable I am and there's no way I can wait and sit there for very long. Sabi ko na I'll take my chances nalang na bumaba and will do my very best to avoid anyone. Dan explained the complexity of making my way out and there's a chance I might get lost and risk myself pa lalo.
"Mas safe ka pa sa room ko magtago kesa maligaw ka sa baba at baka maabutan ka pa nila..." hirit pa nya.
Would it be too much of a risk if I hid inside of Dan's bedroom instead of seating here shitting myself? The thought of Christian and his friends innocently playing their stupid video game while completely unaware na I was in Dan's room and doing some sneaky sex, just flipped me back to my libog state. I immediately felt the heat crawling along my arms and body all the way to neck and face.
The idea resonates more like a 'fantasy' that sounded pretty cool to experience... but in reality, there's no way you are doing it or even capable to pull it off. Stuff like that never happened for real and most likely only existed in fictional stories or porn movies. At that moment, unexpected circumstances have given me a rare opportunity and a chance to 'make it happen' even though I wasn't sure how. It's all up to me at kung gugustuhin ko lang.
The nerve-racking thought of possibly getting caught instantly turned in to 'trying to find a way to pull this crazy idea off'. I knew that Dan isn't sharing his room with anyone as he has plans of moving his family with him very soon. Also, there are only two guys currently at his apartment and both are strangers to me. I can get through them if I wanted to.
My thoughts were distracted once again when I heard a few people walking near the staircase I'm sitting in. Instead of going down, napaakyat ulit ako sa stairs out of panic. When I reached the above floor I saw another resident naman palabas ng unit nya. So tuloy tuloy lang ako sa pagakyat until I was back on the same floor where Dan's unit is... like sex gods are trying to maneuver me back there. I decided to not overthink anymore and gather every lakas ng loob I have left. Screw it… bahala na!
I went back to Dan’s place and noticed that both the entry door and gate were still open. I peeked inside and saw the other guy alone sitting in front of the TV and looks like his full attention was on the screen playing a video game. Hindi ko na makita yung guy na nag open ng door sa akin earlier. I looked to my right while anxiously staring down the lift lobby and worrying that Christian & co. will show up any minute. I didn’t wanna waste any more time...
“Uhm..hello po” Sabi ko then I saw him turned his head and looked towards me. Medyo natataranta pa sya habang lumalapit sa pinto..
“Sabi ni Dan sa room nalang daw nya ako maghihintay...” sabi ko while feeling confident pero deep inside hiyang hiya ako at kinakabahan.
The guy let me in but told me na he’s also just a guest lang din so hintayin daw namin si 'Kuya Eric'. Eric is the guy who opened the door sa akin earlier pero may kausap lang daw sya sa phone. I just stood there next to the living room window when he offered me to have a seat... pero I didn't really wanna sit next to him so tumanggi ako. Standing there felt awkward and uncomfortable so I leaned in facing the window na lang pretending to admire the view. Mejo creepy lang when I caught him glancing at me through the glass reflection.
I’ve never felt so exposed and embarrassed in my life. Every second standing there felt like an hour of standing fully naked in public. I noticed him na patingin tingin sya sa akin, probably wondering what a chic like me doing in there or why am I looking for Dan and wanting to wait in his bedroom. I won't blame him if he thought of me as some kind of a call girl/hooker… I mean, there's no decent girl would go to a guy’s place that late in the evening for nothing.
Adrenaline helped my confidence in place. Shame eventually faded and I began to embrace the situation I was in. I went there to get laid so what diba? mainggit sila? I glanced at him sa gilid ng mga mata ko without noticeably turning my head. Zero fucks if he thought that I’m too attractive to be victimized by Dan or was I corrupted, forced or being blackmailed or drugged or any sort of logical reasons just to explain kung bakit nandun ako. I quickly spun that embarrassing situation into a perverted thought. It really turns me on when being challenged for being too good to be true. It fuels me to do something crazy…
I saw Eric came out from a door which I assume where the kitchen area is and before he can muster any word, I told him agad what I said to the other 'guest' guy. He stood next to the corridor ng room sabay turo sa akin kung nasaan yung room ni Dan. "Excuse me po..." I said while smiling to the guest guy as I walked past the TV. Eric couldn't even look at me straight habang tinuturo nya yung pinaka dulong pinto ng corridor. I headed towards the room and quickly shut the door pagpasok ko sa loob.
Dan’s bedroom wasn't what I expected. Well, it is magulo at makalat pero given na yun sa mga lalaki. I was more surprised at how spacious the room was. The ceiling lights were off but the floor standing lampshade (from IKEA) was left open- providing a warm glow and zen-like mood. The room has a double size bed, built-in closets with sliding mirror as doors. He also has his own separate bathroom.
I was pretty proud of myself for having the courage of getting there. I was shaking my head in disbelief to the thought of putting myself at risk of getting caught for something Dan didn't ask me to do. He floated the idea but I came here on my own. Am I really gonna let him fuck me while Christian and their tropa are just outside the room? I saw myself smiling sa closet door mirror with that perverted thought running inside my head.
I sat on the sofa chair while waiting for Dan to arrive. I noticed the laptop sitting in front of me was left turned on but the screen was off, power-saving I guess. You know that feeling na when you are nervous and you are just looking for something to do without thinking or just trying to get off your mind on something then mangangalikot ka ng kung ano ano… well my hand accidentally touched his laptop mouse and suddenly his laptop screen pops back on. His browser filled the screen with his Facebook profile logged in plus several tabs showing my profile page and photos. Stalker!
I noticed a few chat window flashing at the bottom part ng screen including our chat window when suddenly I remembered something that almost jumped me off my seat. "Fuck our video!" halos isigaw ko sa taranta as I scrolled around our chats in a hurry hoping to delete them forever… Thank God it was right there and deleted it right away from existence.
Suspicious pa rin ako as I thought maybe that wasn't the only copy. So, I hovered around those folder na nakabukas trying to look for the main video file but no luck. I went to look for all recently opened files but it wasn’t there. That’s when I confirmed that the only copy left is the one inside his phone pa.
The possibility that he shared the video to others suddenly hit me. I checked his Facebook again and scan through every chat he made. Nothing... what a relief!. Then I noticed a chat between him and Brian earlier and I got curious how the conversation went.
Brian: Pre pauwi na din ako kasama ko sila Christian, Jeff, etc… Bili ka ng chips, yelo, ikaw na bahala!
Dan: Ah kasama si Christian? Akala ko ba kasama nyo si J?
Brian: Oo kasama pero pauwi na din, ihahatid ata ni Christian... sayang pero mukhang binabakuran talaga ni Christian. Kups talaga eh, Off-limits daw kasi tropa nya daw yung ex-bf nito sa pinas at parang magbabalikan sila...
Dan: Hahaha ganun ba… pauwi na si J?
Brian: Oo uuwi na, flight na daw bukas. (I guess Dan believed him na pauwi na talaga ako)
Dan: Pre wag mo nalang ipagkalat pero ex yan ni Christian. Yan yung syota nya dati na kwinekwento nya na naghiwalay sila tapos naalala mo heartbroken si Christian na halos every weekend puro inuman tayo nun.
Brian: Weh? Paano mo nalaman? Sinabi nya sayo?
Dan: Oo inamin nya din sa akin… kasi nababadtrip sya nung una kay Christian dahil hindi sya pinakilalang ex-gf nya sa atin. Ako nalaman ko kasi naka-FB ko yan, nalaman ko sa lumang posts nya na magsyota sila.
Brian: Kaya pala kung maka bakuran tong si Christian e..haha … alam ba ni Nat? Baka kaya ayaw sabihin
Dan: Dehins ko alam pre. Basta alam ko badtrip sya kay Christian nung ka-”date” ko sya last week hehe
Brian: haha barbero ka ...nag kakitaan lang daw kayo sa Clark Quay eh
...di tayo uubra parekoy mukhang mataas standards e. Kakapayag lang makipag date bukas kay Jeff at sikreto lang daw kay Christian. Dinaan sa pogi. Yung itsura ni Jeff halatang nagyayabang amp.Dan: Hehe ganun ba. Popormahan ba ni Jeff?
Brian: Oo..mukhang seryoso e. Mukhang type din sya ni J. kung **** **** lang tayo eh...
Dan: Taena trip na trip mo din si J ah!
Brian then shared a stolen photo of me.
Brian: Hehe ganyan mga tipo ko e malakas dating. Edi si J pala yung banal banalang syota dati ni Christian? Kaya pala semplang ka din, di ka uubra...demonyo ka e hahaha
Dan: Hehe ayoko na lang magyabang pre. Maiinggit ka lang.
Brian: May bago ka ngayon diba? Pakilala mo naman kahit sa akin lang. Hindi ko naman lalaitin e hehe
Dan didn't respond to that last message. I didn't upset me when Dan confirmed to Brian the truth about my previous relationship with Christian. I was more concerned about Dan finding out about my date with Jeff. Regardless, he impressed me for keeping everything we did a secret.
I hover around his messenger and went to read some of the chat messages from their group. All sort of topics is in there so I decided to look for their group convo the night when Dan and I fucked inside my hotel room. Dan already shared a few screenshots for me but I wanted to read the rest of it.
While scrolling up the chat history, I stumbled upon their bantering convo several days 'after' our wild night. There's a lot of joking around, asaran at hiritan, then there was Christian burying Dan for pretending na napapayag nya ako makipag-date sa kanya. I'm sure it was all for fun and everyone was having a laugh about it. Dan wasn’t saying much pero nakiki-ride din sya sa biruan.
“Pre, don't worry wala naman akong planong syotain yang si J. Gusto ko lang bigyan ng isa bago ko isoli sa ex-bf nya….hahaha...after nun kanyang kanya na!” reply ni Dan na dinaaan nya sa biro pero sa tingin ko patama na din nya kay Christian.
I scrolled down further looking for Christian’s response to that comment pero wala. He chickened out. I wanted to know his reaction sa pagiging directness ni Dan na kahit pabiro lang. Pabiro na posibleng totoo. Of course hindi sya biro, he really did gave me 'one'... so I was dying to find out how's Christian's gonna take it.
On the contrary, I felt really bad talaga for Dan. He became everyone's laughing stock and yet he still chose to kept everything a secret. He could have easily share it to them, wala naman akong magagawa eh lalo na he has this video pa as proof.
Despite his rude treatment towards me, he cared not to destroy my image just so he can brag for his own sake. I found that really attractive about him. I'm glad that I snooped around and read them. At that time he provided me with great ease sa mga possible pang mangyari sa amin. Honestly, I wanted to make him feel so lucky and repay him for being so trustworthy as he really deserves to be rewarded.
He cared for me more than I cared about myself. Sa totoo lang ako pa nga yung naglalagay sa sarili ko at risk by insisting to come inside his room knowing na any minute eh parating na din sina Christian at nasa iisang flat lang kami lahat.
I could’ve followed what Dan suggested to wait somewhere hidden and then ran away when I had the chance. Instead, I came inside his flat and his room na walang pakialam sa iisipin sa akin ng mga bisita at housemate nya. Why? Did I do it for myself thinking his room was a better hiding spot? Or do I want him to feel proud in front of his friends na pinupuntahan sya ng babae just to get laid?
I grew up thinking about sex as a one-way street. Only guys are after and longing for it so by right it's up for them to do all the work right? All I have to do is pumayag and just lay there and let them do whatever they want to do.
That was my rationale when Christian and I were still dating. I really thought that was enough and already doing him a favor just by 'pagpayag' ko. At that time the satisfaction I had from our so-called 'sex' doesn’t come from anything he did physically. Sure he did everything to his knowledge naman to make me feel good and yes they are 'fine'... just nothing to really talk about.
Christian and I only did it for a couple of times pero yung mga 'pagpayag' ko was not because of the physical 'sarap' feeling but more like the mental pleasure of rewarding him for earning my trust. I wasn't even doing anything special and in fact, I just lay there like a log and most of the time finish him off with a handjob and that was more than enough for him. Paano pa kaya kung aggressive ako? Good or bad sex, satisfied or not, at least I was mentally overjoyed seeing him happy and feeling lucky.
I realized that I wasn’t just this submissive girl who enjoys being dominated at binabastos ng mga lalaki. I wasn’t just a sociopath who revels cheating. Well, cheating has always been my motivation to break bad... but the pleasure comes from making a guy feels happy, satisfied and fulfilled both physically and mentally. Dan might be right about me along; Magpasarap ng lalaki has always been my true nature.
