NSFWMy Rude Awakening Ch. 13
By Stellargirl
Caution: Not for the faint hearted
Ch.3 - Reality check
Paranoia started to really sink in. I was freaking out to the thought na baka may pinagsabihan si Dan sa nangyari sa amin. Still, I remained calm and pretended like there's nothing bothering me at kunwari nakikinig sa usapan nila.
My eyes were discreetly moving left to right, anxiously looking at the guys in front of me…. trying to guess who’s the guy or guys he’s been talking to. My hands were trembling and it’s really hard to remain comfortable lalo na may gumugulo sa isip ko. So I decided to confront Dan to get everything to straighten out.
“So, sino kasabwat mo dito? I can’t believe pinagkalat mo yung nangyari….please lang flight ko na tom...wag mo na ako guluhin...” Message ko sa kanya.
He replied a few seconds later;
“Kasabwat saan? Lol…. Kahit ano pang isipin mo, ni-isa wala akong pinagsabihan..” Pagdedeny pa nya. “Si Brian ang nagsabi sa akin na hinahanap mo ako… niyaya nya ako pumunta dyan...mukhang balak ka pa pormahan ng mga mokong na yan hehe!...” Dagdag pa nya.
Another photo message pops-up... pero this time it's a recent screencap convo nya with Brian that confirms na he's telling the truth. Their convo exchanges went something like this;
Brian: Pre punta ka na.. nandito yung chiks na type mo kasama namin hehe kinakamusta ka..
Then he attached a few stolen shots of me. (Apparently, this guy is candidly taking photos of me earlier)
Brian: Ganda nya, panalo!
Dan: Kasama nyo ngayon?
Brian: Oo pre, sarap sana diskartehan kaso kups lang tong si xtian. KJ e... Pero mukhang malabo din to kasi parang snob e. Kay Jeff lang sumasakay sa mga biruan. Mukhang sa gwaping lang interesado hehe
Dan: Hindi yan. Mas papatol yan sayo, pakitaan mo ng abs mo pre hehe. (referring to his fat belly)
Napatingin ako kay Brian after ko mabasa yung convo nila ni Dan. Akala ko eh innocent flirting at biruan lang ang mga hirit nila. I have no idea na interested pala talaga sila sa akin... Somehow, Brian was right... I was responding more to Jeff because of his looks, demeanour and he’s the youngest amongst the group so parang magka-level kami.
Abruptly, bumalik yung attention ko sa kwentuhan nila. I heard Brian was talking about a girl that Dan hooked up with a few days ago. Normally eager daw mag kwento at magmayabang si Dan about sa mga “girls” kuno nya pero this time he’s being super secretive daw. All he knows is naka jackpot daw sya kasi maganda daw yung girl... To them, Dan has zero credibility and they were all joking pa na baka Domestic Helper (DH) daw yung na nameet nya from Lucky Plaza (Pinoy Hub in SG).... mga ganung tipo lang daw ang papatol sa kanya... sabay tawanan na sila.
They were all making fun of Dan pero walang silang kaalam alam na I was that girl Brian was referring to. I felt some sort of relief na hindi pinagkakalat ni Dan yung nangyari sa amin… but a part of me felt amused the way he’s giving them 'hints' yet clueless sila na it was actually me. Of course, I can’t blame them though... sino bang magiisip na ako yun?.
I had a lot of empathy towards Dan after hearing how his own friends mock and makes fun of him. How I wish he can prove them wrong and I can allow him to tell them what really happened. Still, watching their ignorance was highly entertaining and somehow I wish na naririnig ni Dan yung usapan nila.
I was typing in my reply when another message from Dan pops in to my screen;
“Goodluck nalang sa kanila sa pagdiskarte sayo, Taena dapat mahaba pasensya nila sa ugali at kabaliwan mo hehe… nakakapagod mag-effort at maghabol habol sayo e… hindi worth it eh. Enjoy kayo...”
Of all the offensive, crude and bastos words that he used and said towards me, that last message right there sored me the most. Maybe he was joking or possibly being sarcastic, pero pucha... those words really hit me hard. I excused myself again to the toilet as I couldn’t hide being emotional. I was furious with a battered ego. Fuck!, who does he think he is!
“Hindi worth it? Sino ka ba ha? Feeling gwapo ka ah….You should be grateful...you got lucky. Enjoy that…..” inis kong reply ko sa kanya and I wasn’t even done.
“Never think na I’m some kind of desperate girl just because pumatol ako sa kagaya mo… Guys like you should never given a chance in the first place... again you got lucky lang and that’s on me, pero never think na pumayag ako dahil sayo… please lang…
“So, good luck making them believe na pumatol ako sa kagaya mo...Nobody believes in you. Not even your friends. Why would they? Look at you and look at me...enjoy being a one-hit wonder...asshole!”
I was never those people who really look down and lash on people.. well at least I don't say it out loud... pero wala akong hesitation sa mga pinagsasabi ko sa kanya. I was on fire. Again I waited for a while if he’s gonna reply and when he didn’t, bumalik na ulit ako sa table namin. I felt adrenaline rushing through me and feeling good standing for myself.
A few minutes later my anger subsided and immediately felt downhearted which is weird. I was holding my phone when suddenly another viber notification appeared on my phone screen and It was from Dan again. He sent me a video with a murky preview. While the guys are still busy making fun of Dan, I turned off the sound of my phone then played the video hiding away the screen from anyone’s visibility.
The video was dark, pixelated and grainy. I saw a girl na nakatuwad sa parang blue sofa bed facing the window... her hair was being pulled while being f*ucked rapidly from behind. Nakakahilo yung scene kasi the camera was shaking and jerking all over the place. Then suddenly all the movements stopped, the camera view stayed still, tapos I saw yung hips ng girl na nanginginig. The guy began to pull-out pero yung hips ng girl parang humahabol pa atras like she doesn’t want to let his cock go.
The guy kept on teasing her, moving slightly side by side as if he’s teasing to pull-out... pero yung girl, she looked so desperate while nakatuwad at habol ng habol sa cock nung guy. This goes on for a while until I saw the girl flipped her hair to her ear.... then she turned her head to her right with her lusted eyes stared to the camera. I almost dropped my phone sa nakita ko.
It was me
How dumb that it never occurred to me that this video actually exists. I felt so stupid for thinking he was taking a shaky photo instead of filming me. I remember being so lost in the moment while thinking pa na I'll be able to delete whatever he took after we finished. He fucked me so good that he made my brain and emotions focus and worry on other things. Ang ***** ko lang for thinking it wouldn't matter
The entire week of recovery, moving on and trying to bury every memory of what happened that night were all wasted. Watching that video all of a sudden brought me back to that eventful night... like it was fresh na parang kanina lang sya nangyari. The video was dark and pixelated and it only shows a side of my face. I remember thinking pa na if situation gets really messy, I can oppose na ako yun and claim that girl can be anyone...
I continued watching as I saw the concern in my face after learning I was being filmed. I noticed my hand was about to do something... either to push myself away or grab his phone but then the video began to jerk like crazy, na parang I was being mercilessly fucked over and over... my hand went back to the sofa bed instead while holding on to my dear life.
The jerking eventually stopped.. halos maiyak ako when I saw myself looking back at the camera again while grinding back and forth and said something I couldn’t hear kasi naka silent yung phone ko. There's no denying anymore... it was me. My face literally says it all... fighting my own desire, pleading...begging like some desperate whore.
I literally wanted to die after that. Gusto kong magtatakbo palabas and scream my lungs out for acting the way that I just did while being recorded. Did he trick me or pulled some black magic crap sa akin? or was I truly submissive to my libog that I would lose control and not care about being filmed. Right after the video ended, I saw a message just below the video attachment;
“So ano ka ngayon J? Nasaan na taray mo. Wala pa rin bang maniniwala sa akin?...” mayabang na tono ng message nya.
The guys in front of me are still mocking, kulitan, making fun of Dan’s diskarte about me. Christian even exclaimed pa na there's no way na papatol daw ako sa kagaya ni Dan... Bewildered and unaware that in my hand just inches away from him was the living proof disproving what he just said.
I re-watched the video again from the beginning. Ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin yung cock ni Dan intensely sliding in and out of me as if parang he’s right there sa likod ko, fucking me from behind at kinakantot nya ako right in front of the guys... his friends and my ex-boyfriend.
I was barely thinking straight anymore. Parang I was there chatting and smiling but my mind was in somewhere else. My brain was mentally fucked and everything's seems to be in slow motion. Lahat ng progress ko for the past few days are gone. I felt defeated lalo na sa mga pinagsasabi ko kay Dan earlier. I couldn’t think of anything else to say except telling him yung totoong nararamdaman ko.
“You didn't have to film me like that. You made me look like something I am not…” Reply ko.
A few seconds later nagreply sya
“Yan ang totoo mo, wag ka na mag-deny... Sa totoo lang mabait pa ako at pinanindigan ko na wala akong pagsasabihan kahit nag mumukha na naman akong *****….” He’s right, so far he’s been keeping everything to himself and proven to be trustworthy.
“Last week halos paglaruan mo ako kung papayag ka o hindi. Sure, sa bandang huli nagpakantot ka pa rin sa akin, pero taena ginawa mo akong desperado sayo, habol ng habol sayo…..Sa tingin mo hahabol habol pa ako sayo ngayon dahil sa nangyari? Nakantot na kita. Ikaw ang maghabol ngayon **** ka..” dagdag pa nya..
Wala akong masabi. I kept deleting yung mga na type ko na na messages. Nanginginig yung mga fingers ko. I couldn't find the words to bring or defend myself up. The guys in front of me were asking me if I'm alright at mukha daw akong nakareceive ng bad news. I couldn’t think straight anymore so sinabi ko na lang na my parents are checking on me and I might need to go home na.
My ego was beaten and feeling demoralized. Hindi pa ako tapos sa pagtype ko ng reply kay Dan when suddenly a torrent of reality check messages from him shattered my core even more.
“Ano pakiramdam ng maluwag na puke mo J? Ano pakiramdam ng kasama mo si Christian ngayon at wala syang kaalam alam na sarap na sarap kang nagpakantot sa akin? Na ginawa lang kitang parausan ko….”
“Nagti-timpi lang ako, pero J, taena wala na akong pakialam...hindi ka special, feeling conservative at matino ka lang pero nasa loob ang kulo mo na sa bandang huli eh hindi mo rin napigilan yang kalibugan mo..."
“Lakas mo manlait kanina pero sa “kagaya” ko lang din bagsak mo...Sa totoo lang dapat ikaw pa mag pasalamat sa akin kasi nilabas ko yang libog mo sa katawan. Nilabas ko kung ano ka talaga. Pinakita ko sayo kung gaano ka sarap na sarap habang kinakantot, kung paano ka magmakaawa sa titi ko. Kapag high na high ka na sa kalibugan mo, wala ka ng pakialam. Magpapakantot ka na kahit kanino. Kahit sa akin na hindi mo naman kilala, pumapayag ka na na laspaging ko yang iniingatan mong puke...”
“Nung libog na libog ka inamin mo na pakantot ka. Ikaw yun. Yun ang totoo mo. Yun talaga ang purpose mo na magpasarap ng tite at magparaos ng lalake... you are born to fuck, yan ang hindi nagegets ni Christian at ng mga manliligaw mo na trina-trato kang prinsesa…..pero sa loob loob mo e gusto mo na ginagawa kang **** at parausan ...at alam mong tama ako...”
“So, sinuwerte lang ba ako J? Ako lang yung putanginang may lakas magsabi ng totoo sayo pero willing ka pa din magpakantot sa akin. Kuhang kuha ko na yang kalibugan mo…..I own you,.. pokpok kitang putangina ka... Ngayon mo sabihin sa akin kung mali ako at wala ka ng maririnig sa akin...”
I was stunned and shaken by his radical candor. My heart was pounding while feeling the blush covering my face. "Was he right? Is he right? Am I really that kind of woman? Is he screwing with my mind?" I sat there, thinking about everything he just said while pretending to be normal like nothing’s going on.
I wanted to be angry sa kanya pero I wasn't. I feel like crying but I couldn't. What's wrong with me? I was feeling more defeated and more upset about myself as I couldn’t find the words to dispute all the nasty things that he said to me. I grew up being competitive at hindi madaling magpatalo... but at that moment there’s nothing left to argue. I came to a realization na he might be right about me. There’s no point of denying it anymore and I just need to tell him what I’ve gone through.
“Shit ka Dan... I waited for you to call or magparamdam. You have no idea what you did to me... I gave myself fully sayo... I got hurt when sinabi mo pa na I wasn't worth it…. hindi mo alam kung gaano ka big deal sa akin yung nangyari...” reply ko sa kanya.
Dan continued being outspoken and started telling me what he wanted me to be.
“Well sa totoo lang nakakapagod na yang pagka split personality mo eh. One minute akala mo kung sinong pa-conservative snob ka tapos kapag lumabas na libog mo para kang may switch at biglang sabik na sabik ka na sa kantot…”
“Gusto ko I-fullfil mo yung totoong purpose mo na magpasarap ng lalaki. Gusto ko magpakapokpok ka talaga. Rare ka kasi maganda ka at sobrang libog mo...Wag mo na labanan kung ano ka talaga. Gusto ko lagi mong ilabas ang libog mo...”
“So J, sa harap ng mga tropa ko at sa harap ni Christian... sabihin mo sa akin kung ano ka at ano kita ******* ka…”
I know that the way he's treating me was downright wrong and cruel. He doesn't have to do that and I know a lot of you would certainly agree... But him being so confident and outspoken captivates me more than anything. His rude approach, the way he objectifies me, him ordering me what to do... It's a kink that I never thought I had nor covet and not a lot of guys/girls would ever understand that.
After reading Dan's message, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Dan was right about me, for struggling to accept who I really was. That long exhale was myself letting go of inhibitions. No more lying to myself. Wala ng kaartehan. When I did, it's like a switch at sobrang libog na libog yung nararamdaman ko. I found out na sobrang submissive ko pa lang tao.
I gazed upon those guys sitting right in front of me. I caught some of them staring and wondering if I'm alright. I gave them a reassuring grin to let them know na there's nothing to be concerned about where in fact they have no idea that behind those sweet smile, my body was literally on fire.
I've never felt this libog in a public place before... let alone having that lewd feeling while surrounded by a couple of guys. It felt so liberating na parang exposed na exposed yung libog ko and yet it's crazy that nobody even notices. I should win an acting award for this.
The more I thought about I was deceiving them, the more and more I fully began to understand who I truly am and in fact, I was so submissively broken that in my head I started apologizing to those people arbitrated by my old self.
Sorry to all the guys I rejected in the past, sa mga nanliligaw sa akin, sa mga gustong pumorma sa akin, all your efforts are greatly appreciated, pero I’m destined to be this guy’s slut. Not to be his someone special, but a girl he just fucks, para magparaos at pampalipas libog. Yup… while you guys are treating me with so much respect, I on the other hand, will forever be on my hands and my knees begging to be fucked by a guy na hindi nyo paniniwalaan na papatulan ko.
Then I turned my head to my left while staring at Christian. He gave me a smile like a clueless idiot. I can see the sincerity in his eyes... pero sorry na lang talaga.
Sorry for all your efforts and believing na magkakabalikan pa tayo. You were truly the one for me talaga. But I just deserve a better fuck than the one that we had before. Sorry pinahirapan at pinaghintay kita ng matagal nung tayo pa... tapos heto ako ngayon nagpapaka pokpok kay Dan... He just fucks me so good and so much better than you ever did…. and in my viscious twisted fantasy, I hope there’s a way you can see me being fucked by him… to see me getting the fuck that I truly deserve… to see what your loving ex-girlfriend has become, a cock begging slut….
I started writing my reply to Dan without even covering my phone screen. At that point, I don't even care if somebody read it. I don't give a 'fork' anymore.
“Well I’m yours Dan. I’m yours to fuck whenever, wherever you want talaga. Meet me sa hotel... ilalabas ko buong libog ko sayo... kantutin mo ako all night… I wanna wake up the next day feeling sore just like the last time... hindi na ako mag-aarte I swear.... you want a slut right?… Well, you got one….”
He then replied a few seconds later;
“Ah ayoko…. Malibog ka diba? Gusto mo makantot diba? pwes Ikaw mismo pumunta dito sa unit ko. Kung totoong pakantot ka sa akin, i-prove mo yan, ikaw ang mag-effort para makatikim ng burat. Ayoko na ng maarte, nahihiya at napipilitan. Ilabas mo yang landi mo sa katawan... ipakita mo sa akin kung paano ka mag pasarap ng lalaki...”
I was a little hesitant at first. I mean, ako pa talaga yung pupunta sa bahay ng guy just to get laid and Dan was a narcissist to fully expect me to be fine with it. But I was already consumed with libog and there’s no way mag aarte pa ako on my last chance to be with him. Yes, I may be getting crazy but my mind was never been perfectly clear... I’ll go and not because pinilit nya ako or being blackmailed nor I was drunk or drugged. Walang budol-budol here. I’m going there on my own free will. Because that’s what real sluts do right?
I asked for his address and he gave it to me agad followed by another message of something I should be expecting to happen later that night;
“Sige na at magpaalam ka na sa kanila. Mag smile ka sa kanila lalo na kay Christian. Pakita mo sa kanila yung magandang smile at lips mo... taena, wala silang kaalam alam na mamaya lang eh may subo subong burat yang pakipot mong lips na yan…”
By Stellargirl
Caution: Not for the faint hearted
Ch.3 - Reality check
Paranoia started to really sink in. I was freaking out to the thought na baka may pinagsabihan si Dan sa nangyari sa amin. Still, I remained calm and pretended like there's nothing bothering me at kunwari nakikinig sa usapan nila.
My eyes were discreetly moving left to right, anxiously looking at the guys in front of me…. trying to guess who’s the guy or guys he’s been talking to. My hands were trembling and it’s really hard to remain comfortable lalo na may gumugulo sa isip ko. So I decided to confront Dan to get everything to straighten out.
“So, sino kasabwat mo dito? I can’t believe pinagkalat mo yung nangyari….please lang flight ko na tom...wag mo na ako guluhin...” Message ko sa kanya.
He replied a few seconds later;
“Kasabwat saan? Lol…. Kahit ano pang isipin mo, ni-isa wala akong pinagsabihan..” Pagdedeny pa nya. “Si Brian ang nagsabi sa akin na hinahanap mo ako… niyaya nya ako pumunta dyan...mukhang balak ka pa pormahan ng mga mokong na yan hehe!...” Dagdag pa nya.
Another photo message pops-up... pero this time it's a recent screencap convo nya with Brian that confirms na he's telling the truth. Their convo exchanges went something like this;
Brian: Pre punta ka na.. nandito yung chiks na type mo kasama namin hehe kinakamusta ka..
Then he attached a few stolen shots of me. (Apparently, this guy is candidly taking photos of me earlier)
Brian: Ganda nya, panalo!
Dan: Kasama nyo ngayon?
Brian: Oo pre, sarap sana diskartehan kaso kups lang tong si xtian. KJ e... Pero mukhang malabo din to kasi parang snob e. Kay Jeff lang sumasakay sa mga biruan. Mukhang sa gwaping lang interesado hehe
Dan: Hindi yan. Mas papatol yan sayo, pakitaan mo ng abs mo pre hehe. (referring to his fat belly)
Napatingin ako kay Brian after ko mabasa yung convo nila ni Dan. Akala ko eh innocent flirting at biruan lang ang mga hirit nila. I have no idea na interested pala talaga sila sa akin... Somehow, Brian was right... I was responding more to Jeff because of his looks, demeanour and he’s the youngest amongst the group so parang magka-level kami.
Abruptly, bumalik yung attention ko sa kwentuhan nila. I heard Brian was talking about a girl that Dan hooked up with a few days ago. Normally eager daw mag kwento at magmayabang si Dan about sa mga “girls” kuno nya pero this time he’s being super secretive daw. All he knows is naka jackpot daw sya kasi maganda daw yung girl... To them, Dan has zero credibility and they were all joking pa na baka Domestic Helper (DH) daw yung na nameet nya from Lucky Plaza (Pinoy Hub in SG).... mga ganung tipo lang daw ang papatol sa kanya... sabay tawanan na sila.
They were all making fun of Dan pero walang silang kaalam alam na I was that girl Brian was referring to. I felt some sort of relief na hindi pinagkakalat ni Dan yung nangyari sa amin… but a part of me felt amused the way he’s giving them 'hints' yet clueless sila na it was actually me. Of course, I can’t blame them though... sino bang magiisip na ako yun?.
I had a lot of empathy towards Dan after hearing how his own friends mock and makes fun of him. How I wish he can prove them wrong and I can allow him to tell them what really happened. Still, watching their ignorance was highly entertaining and somehow I wish na naririnig ni Dan yung usapan nila.
I was typing in my reply when another message from Dan pops in to my screen;
“Goodluck nalang sa kanila sa pagdiskarte sayo, Taena dapat mahaba pasensya nila sa ugali at kabaliwan mo hehe… nakakapagod mag-effort at maghabol habol sayo e… hindi worth it eh. Enjoy kayo...”
Of all the offensive, crude and bastos words that he used and said towards me, that last message right there sored me the most. Maybe he was joking or possibly being sarcastic, pero pucha... those words really hit me hard. I excused myself again to the toilet as I couldn’t hide being emotional. I was furious with a battered ego. Fuck!, who does he think he is!
“Hindi worth it? Sino ka ba ha? Feeling gwapo ka ah….You should be grateful...you got lucky. Enjoy that…..” inis kong reply ko sa kanya and I wasn’t even done.
“Never think na I’m some kind of desperate girl just because pumatol ako sa kagaya mo… Guys like you should never given a chance in the first place... again you got lucky lang and that’s on me, pero never think na pumayag ako dahil sayo… please lang…
“So, good luck making them believe na pumatol ako sa kagaya mo...Nobody believes in you. Not even your friends. Why would they? Look at you and look at me...enjoy being a one-hit wonder...asshole!”
I was never those people who really look down and lash on people.. well at least I don't say it out loud... pero wala akong hesitation sa mga pinagsasabi ko sa kanya. I was on fire. Again I waited for a while if he’s gonna reply and when he didn’t, bumalik na ulit ako sa table namin. I felt adrenaline rushing through me and feeling good standing for myself.
A few minutes later my anger subsided and immediately felt downhearted which is weird. I was holding my phone when suddenly another viber notification appeared on my phone screen and It was from Dan again. He sent me a video with a murky preview. While the guys are still busy making fun of Dan, I turned off the sound of my phone then played the video hiding away the screen from anyone’s visibility.
The video was dark, pixelated and grainy. I saw a girl na nakatuwad sa parang blue sofa bed facing the window... her hair was being pulled while being f*ucked rapidly from behind. Nakakahilo yung scene kasi the camera was shaking and jerking all over the place. Then suddenly all the movements stopped, the camera view stayed still, tapos I saw yung hips ng girl na nanginginig. The guy began to pull-out pero yung hips ng girl parang humahabol pa atras like she doesn’t want to let his cock go.
The guy kept on teasing her, moving slightly side by side as if he’s teasing to pull-out... pero yung girl, she looked so desperate while nakatuwad at habol ng habol sa cock nung guy. This goes on for a while until I saw the girl flipped her hair to her ear.... then she turned her head to her right with her lusted eyes stared to the camera. I almost dropped my phone sa nakita ko.
It was me
How dumb that it never occurred to me that this video actually exists. I felt so stupid for thinking he was taking a shaky photo instead of filming me. I remember being so lost in the moment while thinking pa na I'll be able to delete whatever he took after we finished. He fucked me so good that he made my brain and emotions focus and worry on other things. Ang ***** ko lang for thinking it wouldn't matter
The entire week of recovery, moving on and trying to bury every memory of what happened that night were all wasted. Watching that video all of a sudden brought me back to that eventful night... like it was fresh na parang kanina lang sya nangyari. The video was dark and pixelated and it only shows a side of my face. I remember thinking pa na if situation gets really messy, I can oppose na ako yun and claim that girl can be anyone...
I continued watching as I saw the concern in my face after learning I was being filmed. I noticed my hand was about to do something... either to push myself away or grab his phone but then the video began to jerk like crazy, na parang I was being mercilessly fucked over and over... my hand went back to the sofa bed instead while holding on to my dear life.
The jerking eventually stopped.. halos maiyak ako when I saw myself looking back at the camera again while grinding back and forth and said something I couldn’t hear kasi naka silent yung phone ko. There's no denying anymore... it was me. My face literally says it all... fighting my own desire, pleading...begging like some desperate whore.
I literally wanted to die after that. Gusto kong magtatakbo palabas and scream my lungs out for acting the way that I just did while being recorded. Did he trick me or pulled some black magic crap sa akin? or was I truly submissive to my libog that I would lose control and not care about being filmed. Right after the video ended, I saw a message just below the video attachment;
“So ano ka ngayon J? Nasaan na taray mo. Wala pa rin bang maniniwala sa akin?...” mayabang na tono ng message nya.
The guys in front of me are still mocking, kulitan, making fun of Dan’s diskarte about me. Christian even exclaimed pa na there's no way na papatol daw ako sa kagaya ni Dan... Bewildered and unaware that in my hand just inches away from him was the living proof disproving what he just said.
I re-watched the video again from the beginning. Ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin yung cock ni Dan intensely sliding in and out of me as if parang he’s right there sa likod ko, fucking me from behind at kinakantot nya ako right in front of the guys... his friends and my ex-boyfriend.
I was barely thinking straight anymore. Parang I was there chatting and smiling but my mind was in somewhere else. My brain was mentally fucked and everything's seems to be in slow motion. Lahat ng progress ko for the past few days are gone. I felt defeated lalo na sa mga pinagsasabi ko kay Dan earlier. I couldn’t think of anything else to say except telling him yung totoong nararamdaman ko.
“You didn't have to film me like that. You made me look like something I am not…” Reply ko.
A few seconds later nagreply sya
“Yan ang totoo mo, wag ka na mag-deny... Sa totoo lang mabait pa ako at pinanindigan ko na wala akong pagsasabihan kahit nag mumukha na naman akong *****….” He’s right, so far he’s been keeping everything to himself and proven to be trustworthy.
“Last week halos paglaruan mo ako kung papayag ka o hindi. Sure, sa bandang huli nagpakantot ka pa rin sa akin, pero taena ginawa mo akong desperado sayo, habol ng habol sayo…..Sa tingin mo hahabol habol pa ako sayo ngayon dahil sa nangyari? Nakantot na kita. Ikaw ang maghabol ngayon **** ka..” dagdag pa nya..
Wala akong masabi. I kept deleting yung mga na type ko na na messages. Nanginginig yung mga fingers ko. I couldn't find the words to bring or defend myself up. The guys in front of me were asking me if I'm alright at mukha daw akong nakareceive ng bad news. I couldn’t think straight anymore so sinabi ko na lang na my parents are checking on me and I might need to go home na.
My ego was beaten and feeling demoralized. Hindi pa ako tapos sa pagtype ko ng reply kay Dan when suddenly a torrent of reality check messages from him shattered my core even more.
“Ano pakiramdam ng maluwag na puke mo J? Ano pakiramdam ng kasama mo si Christian ngayon at wala syang kaalam alam na sarap na sarap kang nagpakantot sa akin? Na ginawa lang kitang parausan ko….”
“Nagti-timpi lang ako, pero J, taena wala na akong pakialam...hindi ka special, feeling conservative at matino ka lang pero nasa loob ang kulo mo na sa bandang huli eh hindi mo rin napigilan yang kalibugan mo..."
“Lakas mo manlait kanina pero sa “kagaya” ko lang din bagsak mo...Sa totoo lang dapat ikaw pa mag pasalamat sa akin kasi nilabas ko yang libog mo sa katawan. Nilabas ko kung ano ka talaga. Pinakita ko sayo kung gaano ka sarap na sarap habang kinakantot, kung paano ka magmakaawa sa titi ko. Kapag high na high ka na sa kalibugan mo, wala ka ng pakialam. Magpapakantot ka na kahit kanino. Kahit sa akin na hindi mo naman kilala, pumapayag ka na na laspaging ko yang iniingatan mong puke...”
“Nung libog na libog ka inamin mo na pakantot ka. Ikaw yun. Yun ang totoo mo. Yun talaga ang purpose mo na magpasarap ng tite at magparaos ng lalake... you are born to fuck, yan ang hindi nagegets ni Christian at ng mga manliligaw mo na trina-trato kang prinsesa…..pero sa loob loob mo e gusto mo na ginagawa kang **** at parausan ...at alam mong tama ako...”
“So, sinuwerte lang ba ako J? Ako lang yung putanginang may lakas magsabi ng totoo sayo pero willing ka pa din magpakantot sa akin. Kuhang kuha ko na yang kalibugan mo…..I own you,.. pokpok kitang putangina ka... Ngayon mo sabihin sa akin kung mali ako at wala ka ng maririnig sa akin...”
I was stunned and shaken by his radical candor. My heart was pounding while feeling the blush covering my face. "Was he right? Is he right? Am I really that kind of woman? Is he screwing with my mind?" I sat there, thinking about everything he just said while pretending to be normal like nothing’s going on.
I wanted to be angry sa kanya pero I wasn't. I feel like crying but I couldn't. What's wrong with me? I was feeling more defeated and more upset about myself as I couldn’t find the words to dispute all the nasty things that he said to me. I grew up being competitive at hindi madaling magpatalo... but at that moment there’s nothing left to argue. I came to a realization na he might be right about me. There’s no point of denying it anymore and I just need to tell him what I’ve gone through.
“Shit ka Dan... I waited for you to call or magparamdam. You have no idea what you did to me... I gave myself fully sayo... I got hurt when sinabi mo pa na I wasn't worth it…. hindi mo alam kung gaano ka big deal sa akin yung nangyari...” reply ko sa kanya.
Dan continued being outspoken and started telling me what he wanted me to be.
“Well sa totoo lang nakakapagod na yang pagka split personality mo eh. One minute akala mo kung sinong pa-conservative snob ka tapos kapag lumabas na libog mo para kang may switch at biglang sabik na sabik ka na sa kantot…”
“Gusto ko I-fullfil mo yung totoong purpose mo na magpasarap ng lalaki. Gusto ko magpakapokpok ka talaga. Rare ka kasi maganda ka at sobrang libog mo...Wag mo na labanan kung ano ka talaga. Gusto ko lagi mong ilabas ang libog mo...”
“So J, sa harap ng mga tropa ko at sa harap ni Christian... sabihin mo sa akin kung ano ka at ano kita ******* ka…”
I know that the way he's treating me was downright wrong and cruel. He doesn't have to do that and I know a lot of you would certainly agree... But him being so confident and outspoken captivates me more than anything. His rude approach, the way he objectifies me, him ordering me what to do... It's a kink that I never thought I had nor covet and not a lot of guys/girls would ever understand that.
After reading Dan's message, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Dan was right about me, for struggling to accept who I really was. That long exhale was myself letting go of inhibitions. No more lying to myself. Wala ng kaartehan. When I did, it's like a switch at sobrang libog na libog yung nararamdaman ko. I found out na sobrang submissive ko pa lang tao.
I gazed upon those guys sitting right in front of me. I caught some of them staring and wondering if I'm alright. I gave them a reassuring grin to let them know na there's nothing to be concerned about where in fact they have no idea that behind those sweet smile, my body was literally on fire.
I've never felt this libog in a public place before... let alone having that lewd feeling while surrounded by a couple of guys. It felt so liberating na parang exposed na exposed yung libog ko and yet it's crazy that nobody even notices. I should win an acting award for this.
The more I thought about I was deceiving them, the more and more I fully began to understand who I truly am and in fact, I was so submissively broken that in my head I started apologizing to those people arbitrated by my old self.
Sorry to all the guys I rejected in the past, sa mga nanliligaw sa akin, sa mga gustong pumorma sa akin, all your efforts are greatly appreciated, pero I’m destined to be this guy’s slut. Not to be his someone special, but a girl he just fucks, para magparaos at pampalipas libog. Yup… while you guys are treating me with so much respect, I on the other hand, will forever be on my hands and my knees begging to be fucked by a guy na hindi nyo paniniwalaan na papatulan ko.
Then I turned my head to my left while staring at Christian. He gave me a smile like a clueless idiot. I can see the sincerity in his eyes... pero sorry na lang talaga.
Sorry for all your efforts and believing na magkakabalikan pa tayo. You were truly the one for me talaga. But I just deserve a better fuck than the one that we had before. Sorry pinahirapan at pinaghintay kita ng matagal nung tayo pa... tapos heto ako ngayon nagpapaka pokpok kay Dan... He just fucks me so good and so much better than you ever did…. and in my viscious twisted fantasy, I hope there’s a way you can see me being fucked by him… to see me getting the fuck that I truly deserve… to see what your loving ex-girlfriend has become, a cock begging slut….
I started writing my reply to Dan without even covering my phone screen. At that point, I don't even care if somebody read it. I don't give a 'fork' anymore.
“Well I’m yours Dan. I’m yours to fuck whenever, wherever you want talaga. Meet me sa hotel... ilalabas ko buong libog ko sayo... kantutin mo ako all night… I wanna wake up the next day feeling sore just like the last time... hindi na ako mag-aarte I swear.... you want a slut right?… Well, you got one….”
He then replied a few seconds later;
“Ah ayoko…. Malibog ka diba? Gusto mo makantot diba? pwes Ikaw mismo pumunta dito sa unit ko. Kung totoong pakantot ka sa akin, i-prove mo yan, ikaw ang mag-effort para makatikim ng burat. Ayoko na ng maarte, nahihiya at napipilitan. Ilabas mo yang landi mo sa katawan... ipakita mo sa akin kung paano ka mag pasarap ng lalaki...”
I was a little hesitant at first. I mean, ako pa talaga yung pupunta sa bahay ng guy just to get laid and Dan was a narcissist to fully expect me to be fine with it. But I was already consumed with libog and there’s no way mag aarte pa ako on my last chance to be with him. Yes, I may be getting crazy but my mind was never been perfectly clear... I’ll go and not because pinilit nya ako or being blackmailed nor I was drunk or drugged. Walang budol-budol here. I’m going there on my own free will. Because that’s what real sluts do right?
I asked for his address and he gave it to me agad followed by another message of something I should be expecting to happen later that night;
“Sige na at magpaalam ka na sa kanila. Mag smile ka sa kanila lalo na kay Christian. Pakita mo sa kanila yung magandang smile at lips mo... taena, wala silang kaalam alam na mamaya lang eh may subo subong burat yang pakipot mong lips na yan…”
sana this time tuloy tuloy na galing
