NSFWMy Rude Awakening Ch. 14
By Stellargirl
Ch.14 - Cheating
“Sige na at magpaalam ka na sa kanila. Mag smile ka sa kanila lalo na kay Christian. Pakita mo sa kanila yung magandang smile at lips mo... taena, wala silang kaalam alam na mamaya lang eh may subo subong burat yang pakipot mong lips na yan…”
I read that message over and over.
The highlight of my entire agonizing week was pretending to be normal. For some, 'pretending' may sound like a chore but it wasn't in my case. The thought of betraying guys with my goody two shoe image was arousingly fun for me... and Dan somehow recognizes that. Dan is aware of my strong reluctance giving head but he's trying to manipulate me with this living a 'double-life' fixation in order to give in. Believe it or not, it was working.
I was dazzled pa of his self assumed act like he’s not forcing or putting much effort to persuade me or anything. It wasn't even a request nor asking for my permission. It's a spoiler, not a prediction of what I'll be doing to him later that night.
“Hey guys, I have to go na pala… hindi pa ako tapos mag pack eh...” I said while preparing and about to rise from my seat.
Both Jeff and Brian were persistent to convince me to stay. Mejo flirty pa nga yung dating ng mga hirit nila. But, Christian was visibly uncomfortable so certainly he insists on me leaving. I can really tell by his smirks na nagsisisi sya na sinama pa nya ako sa dinner nila. He excused himself for a quick toilet break tapos ihahatid nya daw ako to the nearest MRT (train) station.
While Christian was away, Brian immediately jumps in and confronted me kung ano daw ba meron sa amin ni Christian at bakit daw parang may gusto sya sa akin at binabantayan ako. "Ask Christian na lang not me..." reply ko subtle confirming there's history between us. They all seem to get it so parang we were giving each other colluding looks and grins na parang we are about to blindside someone at the tribal council.
Jeff intervened and making kulit about asking for my number... He 'jibber-jabbed' about his life in SG and how similar our situation is about deciding between Dubai and SG. He has a standing offer din daw to work sa Dubai for a better role and pay but he's holding out his decision kasi mas masaya daw sya sa SG. May mga hirit pa nga sya na he might consider accepting the offer from Dubai if dun daw ako pupunta.
This should be a good stopping point to quickly introduce Jeff. He's a stud, end of the story lol. His aura reminds me a lot of Jonah from Superstore the way he converses. Very well mannered and professionally above my level. In short, the kind of guy worth keeping yourself single status for... and he's into me! Yay! I'll talk more about him as the story goes on.
Jeff without being discreet in front of everyone asked me out for a brunch date just before my flight. I froze after realizing the pile of 'baggage' I currently have but fork it... I said yes. Why not? I like him and we have a connection. A guy like him won't stay single for very long. We were adding each other's contacts sa viber when a message from Dan suddenly pops into my screen;
“Papunta ka na ba? Taena libog na libog ako sayo ngayon J, lalo na kapag naiisip ko na wala silang kaalam alam dyan na malibog at pakantot kang **** ka...”
Only then it hit me the complexity of the situation I built. I'm such a riptide, as in Judy Hale level, I just pull everyone into a disaster. Jeff does not deserve all of this. Ayoko ng madamay pa sya so my intention at that time was to keep everything about us discreet. I thought I could probably endure naman keeping all those secrets for less than 24 hours tutal paalis na rin naman ako.
I know I was being greedy and it's totally unfair to Jeff pero I thought soon after all this mess, it will all be resolved on its own. Dan was nothing more than a 'vacationship'- a person you hook up with for a few days on vacation. As for Christian, why would I bother considering him and settle for being just a 'substitute' girlfriend? I’m like dude? Hello? Try to break things off muna with your girlfriend before playing it safe and coming after me.
My thoughts were distracted when Dan sent me another photo of his fully erect cock. Here we go again. Suddenly I lost all my hearing... buong concentration ko lang fixated sa picture na sinend nya.
I was a late bloomer so at the time I only heard about guys who do and into this kind of stuff, y'know randomly (or not) sending dick pics to girls like it’s their way of seducing them. I found it so laughable when 'some' guys believe that a photo of their manhood have some kind of hypnotic powers to captivate women. I don't get it and normally I find it offensive at kadiri (I still do on certain occasions)...
If my memory serves me right, that night was probably the first time I was on the receiving end of a dickpic (twice). Pretty historic lol. At that time I wasn't grossed out. Dan's cock was uncanny. I was sitting there spellbound in front of Dan’s friends, gripping my phone with one hand na parang hawak hawak ko yung cock nya for real.
My full attention was all over the photo of his cock, not bothered by Christian just inches away from sitting next to me. I tried to recall the last time it went past my lips. I do remember it happened pero hindi ko gaanong maalala yung feeling. I was at the peak of my orgasm nun so my normal attentive self wasn't registering the fact na subo subo ko yung titi nya. My subconscious self took over and once it went past my lips... God damn sinipsip ko sya like my inner slutty side would always want me to do.
The noise of the room started to gradually come back. “Wag daw maingay kay Christian...” was all they’re saying after nila makita si Christian pabalik na sa table namin. I stood up and we said goodbyes… I can see their conniving faces pero hindi naman sila nag papahalata. As Christian and I walked away from them, I glanced back and saw Jeff feeling pretty proud of himself scoring a date out of me in front of his friends... not realizing he's only benefiting to whatever is left of me that night.
Plano ni Christian ihatid ako hanggang MRT station pero sabi ko na mas prefer ko to take the Cab na lang. He apologized na hindi nya ako mahahatid pabalik sa hotel kasi nag kakayaan daw pumunta kina Brian for drinks and video game (NBA 2K). Mejo lutang ako nun when they had planned that earlier. Ayaw nya na sana sumama sa kanila pero baka sandali lang daw sya dun at gusto nya daw ako samahan at tulungan mag pack later. I panicked and got really animated to push him away. I was like 'go have fun with his friends' and told him not to worry about me yadda yadda. No way I'm gonna allow him to ruin my night with Dan.
Walking towards the taxi stand, I thanked him for everything, as in everything for looking after me my entire trip, yung effort nya including those sweet gestures and surprises. He opened the taxi door and told the driver my hotel then closes the door after ko makasakay like a true gentleman. Nakatingin ako sa kanya while he's standing outside and waving goodbye… I gave him a smile, bit my lower lip ng malandi and mouthed the words “I’m sorry...” just before the taxi went off.
After telling the driver kung saan talaga ako ako papunta, I began to reflect what I’m about to do. Yes, may feeling of guilt pa rin akong nararamdaman kay Christian lalo na ramdam na ramdam ko yung effort nya sa akin to win me back. Pero ewan ko ba. The more he’s chasing me and feel loved by him, the more naman na mas lalong nadadagdagan yung excitement ko gumawa ng kalokohan behind his back.
Christian has a good soul and doesn’t deserve this kind of deception. I feel no bitterness for not telling me about his girlfriend so it wasn't about revenge anymore. Ewan ko, hindi ko ma-explain. For some reason, the thought of me being unfaithful to him was so appealing. The idea of some stranger owning me and using me for pleasure lang and then go back to my dignified moral self in front of Christian and others was exhilarating... and it’s crazy.
Naalala ko bigla na hindi pa pala ako nagrereply sa mga messages ni Dan. Sa totoo lang, I wasn't even sure what to say or reply to him. As I scrolled my phone up to read more of our previous convo, mas lalo naman akong nakakaramdam ng libog through those bastos and demeaning words na sinabi nya about me. I scrolled up even more and then I stumbled upon the video that he sent me earlier. I plugged my earphones and decided to rewatch the video with sound this time around.
"Sagutin mo ako J, pakantot ka ba?" I heard Dan asking me ng may gigil.
I waited for my response; I don't know why I had hoped I did not say yes, but I found myself almost praying that I was going to say no. Then I heard myself moaning na halos isigaw ko na, "Yes Dan...PAKANTOT AKO!"
That wasn't enough for him though and he kept on berating me: “Ano? tama na? Stop na? Beg me tàngina ka!...”
I heard myself begging “No please..kantutin mo ako Dan... dont stop please!...” habang yung hips ko habol ng habol sa tigas na tigas na titi nya..
I watched myself getting fucked relentlessly in front of my hotel window for everyone to see. I was mesmerized sa napapanood ko sa sarili ko, the way that I began to slowly fuck back, kung paano ko salubungin yung pag banat nya sa puke ko, trying to get him to do it to me faster and harder. I could feel it all over again; nararamdaman ko ulit yung feeling ng titi nya, fucking deep in me all over again.
“Pokpok ba kta ha? akin ka na J! slave na kita.. slave ko na yang putanginang kalibugan mo!” I heard him asking me with his assertive voice
I turned my head to face the camera with my face overpowered by libog and said “Ang sarap ng titi mo Dan, kantutin mo pa ako... you can fuck me forever I swear...”
I sat there sa taxi, tulala -- tulala sa sarili ko with myself I'd seen and heard on the video. I did not recall swearing na he can fuck me forever. Naalala ko na I may have said some things but not like that. I told myself na nasabi ko lang yun dahil wala ako sa sarili ko, na what I said wasn't true, na I would never say those things. Lahat ng bullshit excuses naisip ko na.
Kahit anong deny ko sa sarili ko, deep inside I meant every single word I said that night. Pinikit ko nalang mga mata ko trying not to be brought back to that moment pero the sound alone draws me back in lalo with the way that I responded and act when sobrang high sa libog. I have watched many x-rated videos over the past few days and while some of it did really turned me on… watching myself with Dan and hearing myself begging, admitting na pakantot ako and swearing na he can fuck me forever... it had an effect. It was an incredible effect, one I did not think it's possible. I was hotter than I had ever been in my entire life.
“Fuck J pupunta ka ba? Tigas na tigas titi ko sayo ngayon, Naalala ko nung sinisipsip mo burat ko habang punong puno ng tamod yang face mo... Taena ka nakakalibog ka tingnan...” Follow-up message nya.
Lalo pang nadagdagan yung libog na nararamdaman ko that time dahil sa sinasabi pa nya. How incredibly lucky he is for him to witness a glorious sight where my suitors would only dream of, or never thought they’d ever see me- face in ecstacy covered with cum with a cock sliding in and out sa lips ko. It should have been the most disgraceful and demeaning feeling ever... and why? I pampered my face almost my entire life... I spent so much on beauty and make-up products, regular visits to derma and spas…. only for some random guy to use my face as a cum dumping place. Really?
“Sarap isipin na nakatayo ako tapos nakaluhod ka sa akin...naka-nganga at nakatingin sa mata ko….naghihintay sa kababuyan na gagawin ko sayo..” bastos na message at pangugulit pa nya “Taena ka J pupunta ka ba? Gusto ko na maramdaman yang makipot na lips mo na taas baba sa titi ko... fuck yang lips mo... shape talaga pang chupa ng burat…”
I suddenly got a little conscious about my lips all of a sudden. I grabbed my compact mirror sa bag ko then flipped it open and aimed directly at my lower face. I wasn't sure about the 'shape thingy' na sinasabi nya pero I noticed na maliit nga talaga lips ko.
I was putting on some lipstick when I heard my phone ringing and it was Dan calling. Nagulat ako kasi he never ever calls. I began to feel some sense of desperation sa kanya lalo na I haven’t been replying to any of his messages since asking for his address.
That’s when I realized how tables are turned and Dan needed me more than I need him. That probably was the first time I felt some sense of control between us. So, I decided not to answer his call. I wanna let him think na I wasn't coming and make him habol me a little bit at pakabahin sya ng konti... and just when he realizes na I wasn't coming and failed to persuade me, that's when I’ll show up unexpectedly on his front door looking desirable as hell, full of libog... offering myself to him. Sounds like a plan...
The thought of surprising him made me even hotter. Reading his crude messages again, I can sense na he’s trying to condition my mind and priming me to give him a blowjob…. ewan ko... a week ago I never 'eveeer' imagined myself giving head. I barely had any attraction to a cock much and I could simply not imagine myself on my knees and enjoying it. It’s degrading eh. the idea of a guy sticking their cock malapit sa face ko makes my body shiver as if to say “NO” like it knew na hinding hindi ko gagawin yun.
After my rude awakening, I became more open to things and began pulling myself away to any limitations. I noticed it the day after when watching those porn videos, All of a sudden witnessing those big cocks being sucked on was really turning me on at nacucurious tuloy ako what it's like sucking one for real.
I know how mortifying it feels thinking my mouth is gonna be used for some sort of 'parausan' lang. He said it himself, once I got on my knees, I should be ready sa mga kababuyan na gagawin sa akin. Sick! Why on earth would I remotely consider doing it to him yet knowing how humiliating it will be for me? What motivates me to break all my rules and just surrender to someone who doesn't deserve what I'm about to give up. I know the reason and it took me a while before realizing why...
It's the sexual thrill of cheating.
The arousal that I get from cheating was undeniably the reason why pumayag ako kay Dan right from the very beginning. I wasn't even physically attracted to him and hated his maangas na ugali. Pero of all the guys who courted me or tried na dumiskarte sa akin before, Dan was the only SOB lucky enough to get through me and why? Because I have someone to cheat on… and unfortunately, it's Christian.
Of course, it wasn't technically cheating perse since Christian and I weren't really together... but it's the closest feeling of unfaithfulness I could get. I had it in me the entire time deeply buried by indoctrinated morals and principles. Credit to Dan for unlocking that hidden desire in me. Yung diskarte nya sa akin since the very beginning made me feel like I was committing infidelity.
That entire experience with Dan was so good because of that 'sneaky' feeling. Yung pagpayag kong pagpapakantot sa harap ng window and the electric rush that made me feel na baka makita kami ni Christian. How can I forget the way Dan relentlessly fucked my pussy while kausap ko sya sa phone. For every halik, dila at pagpasok ng titi ni Dan sa puke ko... for every time I cummed hard more than I ever had before, for every slut-shaming words na binitiwan nya sa akin… for every time I beg Dan na kantutin nya ako and for every tamod I let him shot into my face… none of that would’ve ever happened if it wasn’t for the thought of I was doing it behind Christian's back.
Kahit hindi naman talaga kami, I used our history and familiarity to program my thoughts na I was cheating on him and his confession about his unfaded feelings was like the icing on the cake. Heck, the thought of devirginizing my mouth to somebody else was like spitting on the prinsesa treatment he showcased the entire time I've known him.
Damn right he deserved it. Why? I could have been sucking his cock like a slut every night for years if only he had made me do him that way. Kung nag attempt lang sya to break me, I could have been his slave bitch all along but he was too much of a wimp to spread my legs and rightfully take me the way I should have been. I didn’t know at that time na may ganito pala akong side pero it should’ve been him and he had 3 wonderful years of wasted opportunity. He too needed a f*cking rude awakening.
Soon enough I come to realize that I don't need to involve a particular person to cheat on so that I can feel the thrill of cheating. Feeling ko every time I was doing something out of my character, ramdam ko pa rin yung pagiging deceitful ko and not on certain somebody but to myself... defrauding my morals, beliefs and misleading everyone with my pa-conservative trait. Turning my back on those morals and beliefs that made me gain those matitinong friends, earn respect from men and made my parents proud.
The entire cab ride was all about self-reflection and resignation to my own fate. The entire trail of cheating thoughts made me even more libog and cunning at the same time. It’s never a good combination kasi feeling ko na capable ako to do almost anything, as in anything. I found myself feeling more courageous and less morally conflicted.
I sat there very calm, just blankly staring at the window looking far ahead sa mga possibleng mangyayari that night. I don't plan to be just a rag-doll at hahayaan ko lang si Dan gawin ang mga gusto nyang gawin sa akin. I wanted to reward him for helping me discover myself. I wanted him to feel like a winner and showboat how he stole me from somebody else's property and turned me to be his pokpok in just a matter of days. I wanted to be the girl that he always brags about for years to come. Hello new J!
By Stellargirl
Ch.14 - Cheating
“Sige na at magpaalam ka na sa kanila. Mag smile ka sa kanila lalo na kay Christian. Pakita mo sa kanila yung magandang smile at lips mo... taena, wala silang kaalam alam na mamaya lang eh may subo subong burat yang pakipot mong lips na yan…”
I read that message over and over.
The highlight of my entire agonizing week was pretending to be normal. For some, 'pretending' may sound like a chore but it wasn't in my case. The thought of betraying guys with my goody two shoe image was arousingly fun for me... and Dan somehow recognizes that. Dan is aware of my strong reluctance giving head but he's trying to manipulate me with this living a 'double-life' fixation in order to give in. Believe it or not, it was working.
I was dazzled pa of his self assumed act like he’s not forcing or putting much effort to persuade me or anything. It wasn't even a request nor asking for my permission. It's a spoiler, not a prediction of what I'll be doing to him later that night.
“Hey guys, I have to go na pala… hindi pa ako tapos mag pack eh...” I said while preparing and about to rise from my seat.
Both Jeff and Brian were persistent to convince me to stay. Mejo flirty pa nga yung dating ng mga hirit nila. But, Christian was visibly uncomfortable so certainly he insists on me leaving. I can really tell by his smirks na nagsisisi sya na sinama pa nya ako sa dinner nila. He excused himself for a quick toilet break tapos ihahatid nya daw ako to the nearest MRT (train) station.
While Christian was away, Brian immediately jumps in and confronted me kung ano daw ba meron sa amin ni Christian at bakit daw parang may gusto sya sa akin at binabantayan ako. "Ask Christian na lang not me..." reply ko subtle confirming there's history between us. They all seem to get it so parang we were giving each other colluding looks and grins na parang we are about to blindside someone at the tribal council.
Jeff intervened and making kulit about asking for my number... He 'jibber-jabbed' about his life in SG and how similar our situation is about deciding between Dubai and SG. He has a standing offer din daw to work sa Dubai for a better role and pay but he's holding out his decision kasi mas masaya daw sya sa SG. May mga hirit pa nga sya na he might consider accepting the offer from Dubai if dun daw ako pupunta.
This should be a good stopping point to quickly introduce Jeff. He's a stud, end of the story lol. His aura reminds me a lot of Jonah from Superstore the way he converses. Very well mannered and professionally above my level. In short, the kind of guy worth keeping yourself single status for... and he's into me! Yay! I'll talk more about him as the story goes on.
Jeff without being discreet in front of everyone asked me out for a brunch date just before my flight. I froze after realizing the pile of 'baggage' I currently have but fork it... I said yes. Why not? I like him and we have a connection. A guy like him won't stay single for very long. We were adding each other's contacts sa viber when a message from Dan suddenly pops into my screen;
“Papunta ka na ba? Taena libog na libog ako sayo ngayon J, lalo na kapag naiisip ko na wala silang kaalam alam dyan na malibog at pakantot kang **** ka...”
Only then it hit me the complexity of the situation I built. I'm such a riptide, as in Judy Hale level, I just pull everyone into a disaster. Jeff does not deserve all of this. Ayoko ng madamay pa sya so my intention at that time was to keep everything about us discreet. I thought I could probably endure naman keeping all those secrets for less than 24 hours tutal paalis na rin naman ako.
I know I was being greedy and it's totally unfair to Jeff pero I thought soon after all this mess, it will all be resolved on its own. Dan was nothing more than a 'vacationship'- a person you hook up with for a few days on vacation. As for Christian, why would I bother considering him and settle for being just a 'substitute' girlfriend? I’m like dude? Hello? Try to break things off muna with your girlfriend before playing it safe and coming after me.
My thoughts were distracted when Dan sent me another photo of his fully erect cock. Here we go again. Suddenly I lost all my hearing... buong concentration ko lang fixated sa picture na sinend nya.
I was a late bloomer so at the time I only heard about guys who do and into this kind of stuff, y'know randomly (or not) sending dick pics to girls like it’s their way of seducing them. I found it so laughable when 'some' guys believe that a photo of their manhood have some kind of hypnotic powers to captivate women. I don't get it and normally I find it offensive at kadiri (I still do on certain occasions)...
If my memory serves me right, that night was probably the first time I was on the receiving end of a dickpic (twice). Pretty historic lol. At that time I wasn't grossed out. Dan's cock was uncanny. I was sitting there spellbound in front of Dan’s friends, gripping my phone with one hand na parang hawak hawak ko yung cock nya for real.
My full attention was all over the photo of his cock, not bothered by Christian just inches away from sitting next to me. I tried to recall the last time it went past my lips. I do remember it happened pero hindi ko gaanong maalala yung feeling. I was at the peak of my orgasm nun so my normal attentive self wasn't registering the fact na subo subo ko yung titi nya. My subconscious self took over and once it went past my lips... God damn sinipsip ko sya like my inner slutty side would always want me to do.
The noise of the room started to gradually come back. “Wag daw maingay kay Christian...” was all they’re saying after nila makita si Christian pabalik na sa table namin. I stood up and we said goodbyes… I can see their conniving faces pero hindi naman sila nag papahalata. As Christian and I walked away from them, I glanced back and saw Jeff feeling pretty proud of himself scoring a date out of me in front of his friends... not realizing he's only benefiting to whatever is left of me that night.
Plano ni Christian ihatid ako hanggang MRT station pero sabi ko na mas prefer ko to take the Cab na lang. He apologized na hindi nya ako mahahatid pabalik sa hotel kasi nag kakayaan daw pumunta kina Brian for drinks and video game (NBA 2K). Mejo lutang ako nun when they had planned that earlier. Ayaw nya na sana sumama sa kanila pero baka sandali lang daw sya dun at gusto nya daw ako samahan at tulungan mag pack later. I panicked and got really animated to push him away. I was like 'go have fun with his friends' and told him not to worry about me yadda yadda. No way I'm gonna allow him to ruin my night with Dan.
Walking towards the taxi stand, I thanked him for everything, as in everything for looking after me my entire trip, yung effort nya including those sweet gestures and surprises. He opened the taxi door and told the driver my hotel then closes the door after ko makasakay like a true gentleman. Nakatingin ako sa kanya while he's standing outside and waving goodbye… I gave him a smile, bit my lower lip ng malandi and mouthed the words “I’m sorry...” just before the taxi went off.
After telling the driver kung saan talaga ako ako papunta, I began to reflect what I’m about to do. Yes, may feeling of guilt pa rin akong nararamdaman kay Christian lalo na ramdam na ramdam ko yung effort nya sa akin to win me back. Pero ewan ko ba. The more he’s chasing me and feel loved by him, the more naman na mas lalong nadadagdagan yung excitement ko gumawa ng kalokohan behind his back.
Christian has a good soul and doesn’t deserve this kind of deception. I feel no bitterness for not telling me about his girlfriend so it wasn't about revenge anymore. Ewan ko, hindi ko ma-explain. For some reason, the thought of me being unfaithful to him was so appealing. The idea of some stranger owning me and using me for pleasure lang and then go back to my dignified moral self in front of Christian and others was exhilarating... and it’s crazy.
Naalala ko bigla na hindi pa pala ako nagrereply sa mga messages ni Dan. Sa totoo lang, I wasn't even sure what to say or reply to him. As I scrolled my phone up to read more of our previous convo, mas lalo naman akong nakakaramdam ng libog through those bastos and demeaning words na sinabi nya about me. I scrolled up even more and then I stumbled upon the video that he sent me earlier. I plugged my earphones and decided to rewatch the video with sound this time around.
"Sagutin mo ako J, pakantot ka ba?" I heard Dan asking me ng may gigil.
I waited for my response; I don't know why I had hoped I did not say yes, but I found myself almost praying that I was going to say no. Then I heard myself moaning na halos isigaw ko na, "Yes Dan...PAKANTOT AKO!"
That wasn't enough for him though and he kept on berating me: “Ano? tama na? Stop na? Beg me tàngina ka!...”
I heard myself begging “No please..kantutin mo ako Dan... dont stop please!...” habang yung hips ko habol ng habol sa tigas na tigas na titi nya..
I watched myself getting fucked relentlessly in front of my hotel window for everyone to see. I was mesmerized sa napapanood ko sa sarili ko, the way that I began to slowly fuck back, kung paano ko salubungin yung pag banat nya sa puke ko, trying to get him to do it to me faster and harder. I could feel it all over again; nararamdaman ko ulit yung feeling ng titi nya, fucking deep in me all over again.
“Pokpok ba kta ha? akin ka na J! slave na kita.. slave ko na yang putanginang kalibugan mo!” I heard him asking me with his assertive voice
I turned my head to face the camera with my face overpowered by libog and said “Ang sarap ng titi mo Dan, kantutin mo pa ako... you can fuck me forever I swear...”
I sat there sa taxi, tulala -- tulala sa sarili ko with myself I'd seen and heard on the video. I did not recall swearing na he can fuck me forever. Naalala ko na I may have said some things but not like that. I told myself na nasabi ko lang yun dahil wala ako sa sarili ko, na what I said wasn't true, na I would never say those things. Lahat ng bullshit excuses naisip ko na.
Kahit anong deny ko sa sarili ko, deep inside I meant every single word I said that night. Pinikit ko nalang mga mata ko trying not to be brought back to that moment pero the sound alone draws me back in lalo with the way that I responded and act when sobrang high sa libog. I have watched many x-rated videos over the past few days and while some of it did really turned me on… watching myself with Dan and hearing myself begging, admitting na pakantot ako and swearing na he can fuck me forever... it had an effect. It was an incredible effect, one I did not think it's possible. I was hotter than I had ever been in my entire life.
“Fuck J pupunta ka ba? Tigas na tigas titi ko sayo ngayon, Naalala ko nung sinisipsip mo burat ko habang punong puno ng tamod yang face mo... Taena ka nakakalibog ka tingnan...” Follow-up message nya.
Lalo pang nadagdagan yung libog na nararamdaman ko that time dahil sa sinasabi pa nya. How incredibly lucky he is for him to witness a glorious sight where my suitors would only dream of, or never thought they’d ever see me- face in ecstacy covered with cum with a cock sliding in and out sa lips ko. It should have been the most disgraceful and demeaning feeling ever... and why? I pampered my face almost my entire life... I spent so much on beauty and make-up products, regular visits to derma and spas…. only for some random guy to use my face as a cum dumping place. Really?
“Sarap isipin na nakatayo ako tapos nakaluhod ka sa akin...naka-nganga at nakatingin sa mata ko….naghihintay sa kababuyan na gagawin ko sayo..” bastos na message at pangugulit pa nya “Taena ka J pupunta ka ba? Gusto ko na maramdaman yang makipot na lips mo na taas baba sa titi ko... fuck yang lips mo... shape talaga pang chupa ng burat…”
I suddenly got a little conscious about my lips all of a sudden. I grabbed my compact mirror sa bag ko then flipped it open and aimed directly at my lower face. I wasn't sure about the 'shape thingy' na sinasabi nya pero I noticed na maliit nga talaga lips ko.
I was putting on some lipstick when I heard my phone ringing and it was Dan calling. Nagulat ako kasi he never ever calls. I began to feel some sense of desperation sa kanya lalo na I haven’t been replying to any of his messages since asking for his address.
That’s when I realized how tables are turned and Dan needed me more than I need him. That probably was the first time I felt some sense of control between us. So, I decided not to answer his call. I wanna let him think na I wasn't coming and make him habol me a little bit at pakabahin sya ng konti... and just when he realizes na I wasn't coming and failed to persuade me, that's when I’ll show up unexpectedly on his front door looking desirable as hell, full of libog... offering myself to him. Sounds like a plan...
The thought of surprising him made me even hotter. Reading his crude messages again, I can sense na he’s trying to condition my mind and priming me to give him a blowjob…. ewan ko... a week ago I never 'eveeer' imagined myself giving head. I barely had any attraction to a cock much and I could simply not imagine myself on my knees and enjoying it. It’s degrading eh. the idea of a guy sticking their cock malapit sa face ko makes my body shiver as if to say “NO” like it knew na hinding hindi ko gagawin yun.
After my rude awakening, I became more open to things and began pulling myself away to any limitations. I noticed it the day after when watching those porn videos, All of a sudden witnessing those big cocks being sucked on was really turning me on at nacucurious tuloy ako what it's like sucking one for real.
I know how mortifying it feels thinking my mouth is gonna be used for some sort of 'parausan' lang. He said it himself, once I got on my knees, I should be ready sa mga kababuyan na gagawin sa akin. Sick! Why on earth would I remotely consider doing it to him yet knowing how humiliating it will be for me? What motivates me to break all my rules and just surrender to someone who doesn't deserve what I'm about to give up. I know the reason and it took me a while before realizing why...
It's the sexual thrill of cheating.
The arousal that I get from cheating was undeniably the reason why pumayag ako kay Dan right from the very beginning. I wasn't even physically attracted to him and hated his maangas na ugali. Pero of all the guys who courted me or tried na dumiskarte sa akin before, Dan was the only SOB lucky enough to get through me and why? Because I have someone to cheat on… and unfortunately, it's Christian.
Of course, it wasn't technically cheating perse since Christian and I weren't really together... but it's the closest feeling of unfaithfulness I could get. I had it in me the entire time deeply buried by indoctrinated morals and principles. Credit to Dan for unlocking that hidden desire in me. Yung diskarte nya sa akin since the very beginning made me feel like I was committing infidelity.
That entire experience with Dan was so good because of that 'sneaky' feeling. Yung pagpayag kong pagpapakantot sa harap ng window and the electric rush that made me feel na baka makita kami ni Christian. How can I forget the way Dan relentlessly fucked my pussy while kausap ko sya sa phone. For every halik, dila at pagpasok ng titi ni Dan sa puke ko... for every time I cummed hard more than I ever had before, for every slut-shaming words na binitiwan nya sa akin… for every time I beg Dan na kantutin nya ako and for every tamod I let him shot into my face… none of that would’ve ever happened if it wasn’t for the thought of I was doing it behind Christian's back.
Kahit hindi naman talaga kami, I used our history and familiarity to program my thoughts na I was cheating on him and his confession about his unfaded feelings was like the icing on the cake. Heck, the thought of devirginizing my mouth to somebody else was like spitting on the prinsesa treatment he showcased the entire time I've known him.
Damn right he deserved it. Why? I could have been sucking his cock like a slut every night for years if only he had made me do him that way. Kung nag attempt lang sya to break me, I could have been his slave bitch all along but he was too much of a wimp to spread my legs and rightfully take me the way I should have been. I didn’t know at that time na may ganito pala akong side pero it should’ve been him and he had 3 wonderful years of wasted opportunity. He too needed a f*cking rude awakening.
Soon enough I come to realize that I don't need to involve a particular person to cheat on so that I can feel the thrill of cheating. Feeling ko every time I was doing something out of my character, ramdam ko pa rin yung pagiging deceitful ko and not on certain somebody but to myself... defrauding my morals, beliefs and misleading everyone with my pa-conservative trait. Turning my back on those morals and beliefs that made me gain those matitinong friends, earn respect from men and made my parents proud.
The entire cab ride was all about self-reflection and resignation to my own fate. The entire trail of cheating thoughts made me even more libog and cunning at the same time. It’s never a good combination kasi feeling ko na capable ako to do almost anything, as in anything. I found myself feeling more courageous and less morally conflicted.
I sat there very calm, just blankly staring at the window looking far ahead sa mga possibleng mangyayari that night. I don't plan to be just a rag-doll at hahayaan ko lang si Dan gawin ang mga gusto nyang gawin sa akin. I wanted to reward him for helping me discover myself. I wanted him to feel like a winner and showboat how he stole me from somebody else's property and turned me to be his pokpok in just a matter of days. I wanted to be the girl that he always brags about for years to come. Hello new J!
