NSFWMy Rude Awakening Ch.11
By Stellargirl
Ch.11 - The next day
I woke up the next day relishing in the best rest that I had in a very long time. There’s a feeling of such contentedness and satisfaction as if my whole world were just sooo right. In fact, hindi ko na maalala kung kailan yung last time na I slept so deeply and waking up with a calm and peaceful feeling.
Despite that serene feeling, yung buong katawan ko naman parang ang bigat. I tried lifting any body part pero I couldn't... my entire katawan feels so sore at hindi ko mai-angat yung sarili ko. You know that feeling na you woke up the next morning after doing a 30k marathon without doing any prep work prior? similar aching feeling. I gave up na lang and decided to stay in bed and rest all day.
I realized na I slept fully naked pala in which I have never done before. I began to recollect what happened the night before. Everything seems to be hazy but then I felt something weird and dry feeling around my face and chest area. “Oh shit!” dun lang nagregister sa utak ko yung nangyari kagabi.
“Oh shit… shit ...shit…. no way” I told myself in horror as I covered my face with my hands in full regret. I felt my stomach twist and my mind was racing... it's all coming back to me. The more I was trying to calm myself na okay lang yung nangyari, mas lalo pa akong hindi mapakali.
I remember how it all began with an innocent pretend date that led Dan to accompany me all the way to my hotel (Details here). How my guilt for turning him down the last minute culminates into an insane sex chat. How can I forget when he told me that he never left the hotel while I was so high in libog that sealed it for me. (Details here).
I began to reminisce how Dan finger fucked me while naka-open yung door ng hotel room ko (Details here) and showed me through simple touches and bastos words can turn up my libog switch (Details here). How I teased him by playing myself in front of him and how he licked my entire body and that lasting image of my katawan hanging ng nangingisay as I cummed hard sa bibig nya (Details here).
Then flashbacks of his big cock in my hand and how he persuaded my unwilling mind to ride his cock (Details here) at yung feeling nung unang pasok nya sa pussy ko. How I fucked my whole being to that cock while kausap namin sa phone si Christian.
I remember letting him fuck me in front of the window for everyone to see and beg to be fucked over and over. I remember the biggest orgasm I had ever experienced while marking me as his bitch by marking my face and upper body ng tamod nya (Details here).
I remember everything. Hindi sya panaginip lang. Nangyari talaga sya.
Naalala ko na I slept all night with his cum still dripping in my face and my body. I savoured the feeling instead na mandiri. I remember wanting that feeling to last kaya I didn't even bother to clean it up. I was a mess yet ang sarap ng tulog ko. It all felt normal like having a guy’s cum dripping in my face felt like a typical beauty product that I regularly put on. Instead na magsisi at mandiri, a part of me felt some sort of surrender na parang tinatanggap ko na lang yung nangyari.
When suddenly I heard a loud ring just next to my bedside table and it was the hotel reception calling me. "Badtrip naman!" nasabi ko sa pa sarili ko. My eyes are shut pa habang inaabot ko yung hotel phone sa right side ko.
"Hello!?" I said na mejo half irritated.
The reception told me na there’s a guy named Christian waiting for me at the lobby. They wanted to check with me na kung ok lang daw ba sa akin if he can come up straight to my room as a guest. Mejo groggy pa ako and wasn't used to the Singaporean accent by the reception lady so I said yes na lang before hanging up the phone.
I checked my phone and yep, Christian was calling me multiple times na pala. I wasn't even bothered that I kept him waiting but I was more bothered about not receiving any message or call from Dan. Nakahiga pa rin ako sa bed trying to warm up my brain then I pushed myself to sit up and saw my room in full of mess.
Evidence of what happened last night was everywhere. My sando and panties and a few pillows are on the floor. Ang gulo gulo ng bedsheets and of course, I myself looked like a fucking wreck.
I realized that I made a mistake of letting Christian to come directly to my room. So, I hurried to try to tidy up the room but it was too late na as I heard him knocking na kaagad. I wore whatever I could find and wiped that dried tamod off my skin and hurried myself to open the door.
Christian greeted me agad as I let him enter my room. He wondered around and joked pa na for a girl e sobrang makalat daw ako sa bahay. He brought some homemade 'tapsilog' that he cooked for me... the very same comfort food na dinadala nya sa house namin back then when I was doing my college thesis. He’s indeed a very sweet guy and I wasn't sure how to act normal around him anymore especially after what happened last night.
Suddenly, a flashback of what Dan said last night creeps into my head when I saw Christian unpacking the food containers while sitting at the sofa bed. “Breakfast breakfast pa syang nalalaman e titi lang kailangan mo!...”
Just the thought of it made me smile for some reason while staring in blank over to where Christian was seating at. All I could think of is that he’s seating at the very same sofa bed na kung saan naka bent over ako last night as Dan royally fucks me like a dog.
“Alam mo ba unit namin yan?...” I heard Christian said sabay turo sa labas ng window.
I snapped back to reality as I almost blurted the word “Shit!” out of panic. Sinilip ko agad yung tinuturo nya and felt some sort of relief after realizing na malayo naman pala yung unit nya.
“So... you can see my room pala galing sa unit nyo?” I curiously asked him.
“Siguro, jan lang kami oh..." sabay turo kung saan yung window nila.
"Pasilip silip nga ako kagabi eh....Hindi mo kasi sinasagot yung phone mo...nag aalala na ako...” dagdag pa nya “Gusto na nga kita puntahan dito sa hotel at baka kasi kung ano na nangyari sayo...”
That’s when I realized na if Dan didn't dare to answer his call last night, malamang silip pa rin sya ng silip sa window nila. There’s a good chance he might see a silhouette of 2 people having wild crazy monkey sex in front of the window… having no idea na it's me, his ex-girlfriend na binabanatan ng friend nya. Or he might come over and ask the hotel staff to open my door at malalaman nya din eventually na kasama ko si Dan sa room. Either way, it was a disaster waiting to happen.
“Bakit ka naman nagaalala. Okay lang ako, you dont have to worry about me...” sabi ko. “Plus safe naman dito, kaya ko naman sarili ko”
I can tell by his reactions na disappointed sya for not relying on him anymore.
“Sa totoo lang nagwoworry lang ako sa pinost ni Dan sa group chat namin na magkasama kayo” sagot nya. “Unang pumasok sa isip ko e pumayag ka na sumama sa unggoy na yun.”
Then inulit nya ulit yung mga pinagsasabi nya kagabi sa phone about kay Dan. He made a mistake daw na hindi nya pinaalam sa group nila na naging kami. He felt that the timing ain’t right during our 'Gluttons Bay' dinner to introduce me as his ex tapos kasama pa namin si Nat (his current girlfriend).
Kwento pa nya na na after I left the table during our dinner nagpaalam daw agad si Dan in front of the group na popormahan ako. Hindi na daw sya makareact since katabi nya si Nat pero confident naman daw sya na hindi ko papatulan si Dan kaya hinayaan nya lang (Details here). He wasn't bothered daw until nakita nya na nagshare si Dan ng photo na magkasama kami last night na gumigimik sa Clark Quay (Details here).
“Ano ba sabi ni Dan sa inyo?” I asked him, curious if Dan said something to them after what happened between us.
“Wala naman. Alam naman nya wala syang maiyayabang. Kaya pinagtatawanan yun eh...” reply nya. “Tinawagan ko pa nga sya bago kita nakausap. Ramdam ko na hiyang hiya sya na wala syang maiyayabang haha...” sabay tawa nya.
Christian wasn't aware na I was listening to that convo last night. Alam ko na gusto ni Dan iyabang na he got me, pero I refused so hindi nya tinuloy. What Christian didn’t know na while kausap nya si Dan sa phone, I was half-naked and super libog na libog while pleasuring myself in front of the guy he referred to as 'unggoy' (Details here).
“Pero J, weird... I got jealous na nalaman ko na pinopormahan ka ng iba...lalo na nung nalaman ko na magkasama kayo na gumimik, akala ko talaga nag-date kayo...” he confessed.
“Why are you jealous? hindi naman na tayo. Besides I feel weird nga sa mga effort mo sa akin lalo na may girlfriend ka na pala... don’t get me wrong, na appreciate ko lahat pero unfair lang kay Nat, kaya hindi na kita iniistorbo” sabi ko.
“Hindi ko din alam e. I can’t shake this feeling na parang na-miss kita” sabi nya. “Since naghiwalay tayo parang walang closure, kasi magkalayo tayo at hindi man lang kita nakita. Napwersa nalang ako mag move-on kasi parang gusto mo na din maging single. Sobrang lungkot ko nun ng ilang buwan kasi ginawa ko naman lahat ng gusto mo nung tayo pa.” Explanation pa nya.
“Hindi kita mapakilala sa tropa kasi ayoko malaman nila na ikaw yung girl na I couldn't move on from. Feeling emasculated ako nung tayo pa dahil diba ikaw lagi nasusunod, tapos ako pa din lagi ang habol ng habol sayo. Ayoko na malaman nila na ikaw yun. So to save face hindi ko nalang pinagsabi...” dagdag pa nya.
That was a heartfelt confession drove straight into my hopeless romantic soul. He’s such a good person and I know for a fact na minahal nya din ako ng sobra. Pero I was a little bit surprised na may lingering feelings pa rin pala sya sa akin kahit matagal na kaming hindi nagkikita. I was kind of expecting it naman kahit papaano pero nakakagulat pa din considering na may ibang girlfriend na sya.
“Careful, may girlfriend ka na...” sabi ko while smiling to lighten up our ma-dramang convo.
“I know….Alam ko naman yun... I’m just saying lang na if bibigyan ako ng hypothetical choice between you or Nat, I’ll choose you in a heartbeat…” He said while smiling din.
“So please, let me be part of your limited time dito sa SG, magleleave ako at ito-tour kita, anything... gusto lang kita makasama. Once bumalik ka na dito for good, I hope na settle ko na what I need to settle to be available sayo...” dagdag nya. “Yun lang eh if you feel the same way about me...”
I suddenly felt a little guilty sa mga nangyari just the night prior. I blushed as I can see the sincerity in his face. I have a lot of options in terms of dating pero in my mind, he's always been the guy who truly deserves to win me. It’s just that the timing ain’t right because he’s already dating somebody else na and then I made the situation a lot worse pa lalo dahil sa nangyari sa amin ni Dan.
If only he’d confess about his feelings like a day earlier, sana na avoid ko pa yung nangyari kay Dan. But it’s already too late. Suddenly I wasn't feeling excited about him anymore and all my lingering feelings are gone. I do feel guilty because he sounded serious na gusto nya ako balikan but the feeling wasn't mutual. My vicious mind was telling me, “Ano ako, back-up plan nya?”
At that time if I was given naman a hypothetical choice between getting back together with Christian or just a fucking session with Dan, honestly think I might choose the latter. That’s how corrupted my mind was and how low I have fallen. Yung dating J who viewed by many as every guy's girlfriend material chooses to be just fuck toy to somebody like Dan.
“So ano, tara na USS tayo. Sunday ngayon, late na marami ng tao dun” Christian said to break the silence kasi nagmuni muni lang ako and didn't actually respond sa confession nya.
“Uhm siguro wag na lang muna today, gusto ko sana magpahinga all day, masakit katawan ko eh..” I said while moving gingerly. Dan fücked me so good that I could barely move or even walk after. Although I needed rest to recuperate, may iba pa talaga akong dahilan. To some extent, I prefer to stay available just in case Dan calls me back and wishes to come and visit me again... I know for sure that he will, jackpot kaya sya sa akin... so at least I wanted to clear my schedule for the day.
“Ano ba nangyari sayo?” He asked while wondering why I was having trouble moving around.
I remember looking at him like I wanted to sarcastically ask him na “Sure ka gusto mo malaman?..."
“Sobrang pagod lang kakapasyal at kakalakad.. Then I had cramps pa every few minutes last night. I need to stay hydrated lang siguro” safe answer ko.
There's a part of me wanted to brag about what happened last night. How I wish I can tell him the reason I feel so tender is because of the rude kantot that Dan just given me. I wanna stress out in detail how roughly my pussy was destroyed with his big cock at iyabang ko sa kanya how my little tiny treasured body was built pala for merciless pounding.
Pwede ko ba sabihin sa kanya na "Heey! kinantot pala ako ni Dan last night and I let him cum in my face... and yep, I enjoyed every single moment of it while you are at home realizing na may feelings ka pa pala sa akin..." Would telling him that makes it any better?
Of course, it’s all in my head lang. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko iniisip yun. Bakit ko naeenjoy na wala syang kaalam alam sa nangyari and yet somehow gusto ko din ipaalam sa kanya. How can I think of such merciless things to someone who hasn't done anything wrong sa akin. Just a few days prior I was full of hope about the possibility of seeing him again and maybe getting back together... then last night happened and suddenly I have no remorse whatsoever. Narealize ko lang na I'm capable pala to be someone’s worst nightmare kung gugustuhin ko lang. Am I really that evil?
“Oo naman, bilhan kita ng medicine, I’ll bring some more food pa para di mo na kailangan lumabas...” he said habang inaalalayan nya ako pabalik ng bed. Hiniga nya ako and he told me to rest lang and if I needed something, i-message ko lang daw sya.
After a while, umalis na din sya. He’s acting as if we were BF/GF kami na parang I’m his girl that he should be taking care of. I have no reason to be guilty and yet it was torture to see him trap me with his confession and then treat me so nicely. As if somehow I was the villainous one cheating on him with Dan. Did I forget to mention we are not together anymore and he's already dating someone else?
I just laid in the bed all day lang thinking of the situation I was in. “Bahala silang lahat, hindi na ako babalik dito..” I recall telling myself while getting tired na of trying to find a way to work it out.
Christian went back to my hotel after lunch. Sinamahan nya ako throught the day until umuwi na din sya after dinner. The entire day went by pero ni isang message or call wala akong nareceive kay Dan. I kept on checking my phone every few minutes like a clingy MF. Kapag nakikita ko na online sya sa FB, parang nagreready ako na baka magmessage na sya... and then he won't... arghh! I swear, it drove me insane.
“As if ako pa magpaparamdam sa kanya...kapal nya, bahala sya...” pagmamalaki ko pa sa sarili ko.
But I couldn’t help to wonder what went wrong. Did I do something to turn him off? Hindi ba sya nag enjoy? Shit sya! There are so many guys who are so into me, feeling gwapo ba sya? He should be grateful na pumatol ako sa kanya.
Despite that hindi pa rin ako mapakali. Parang ganun ganun na lang ba yun? I heard that saying “Wham bam thank you mam” and what? that’s it? He told me na gagawin nya lang ako parausan nya. Did he really mean that? A guy like him treating a girl like me as parausan lang? I know na I don't deserve that but maybe some bitter guys do. I mean I’ve been turning down guys, paasa and rejecting them because feeling ko I always deserved better. I think so highly about myself and that I hold the power and control over anyone.
So much for being picky, I got humbled by Dan. I felt so down after recalling the promise I made for myself na hinding hindi ako mabibiktima ng kahit na sinong lalaki. How Dan exploited my vulnerability and was able to get through me despite humiliating me with his words was unreal. He didn't have to pretend or lie just to get me into bed as other predators do. No awkward sweet talk or courtship or anything. How he managed to release my inner libog without even forcing me was a masterclass. He played me like a violin all night. So f*ckin graceful.
He literally used me for pleasure lang. Yung body na ini-ingatan ko all my life was just used para magpasarap lang ng titi ng lalaki. I hated the thought of it, pero that's what really happened eh. I get it now why he referred to me as 'pokpok' and not to hammer on my humiliation further... but because maybe that's what I really am to him... a pussy to fuck at parausan lang. If that's true then I'm the worst kind dahil I'm the pokpok who did it for free.
Fine! kahit for pleasure at libog lang... why is he not calling me? Bakit hindi sya nagpaparamdam? Masyado ba akong maarte? A lot of questions kept running inside my head.
I was browsing on my phone to distract myself when I stumbled upon a streaming porn site and decided to check it out. I watched a few and found myself imagining as the girl on the video being fucked senselessly. Picturing myself being roughly fucked on different positions wasn't exactly the distraction I needed.
I stumbled upon a blowjob scene in which I ordinarily find disgusting... pero that time pinanood ko talaga sya. Flashbacks of Dan make tutok his cock sa face ko while I was in an orgasmic state... I recall how my lips just reacted on its own and letting his cock penetrate inside my mouth. Before I used to find it so ewww or yucky but last night was different. Hindi ako nandiri or nag a-arte arte. Somehow I was in autopilot at sinipsip ko pa yung head ng titi nya. What the F*ck right?
It seems that deep inside my twisted subconscious mind, it was natural thing to do. Na parang I was born with an automated instinct to allow every cock infiltrate my mouth. I promised myself over and over na I will never ever 'eveeeer' do blowjobs and I meant it... but somehow it's killing me na there are things in life I have literally no control of... kahit ano pang isigaw ng prinsipyo ko.
Some are gifted with athletic ability to play sports and some are inbred with creative minds to innovate. The successful ones are those who do things that were natural to them.
My entire life I brainwashed myself to abhor giving head. What if my lips and mouth are really meant for sucking cocks. What if magpasarap ng lalaki is what I'm actually good at. What if I've been trying to contradict what I was truly designed and programmed to be... a natural born cocksucker. After being awakened, I realized that there's no escaping destiny and at some point I have to accept the inevitable.
I watched that scene intently, how the girl does it pati yung reaction nung guy. All along, I thought that men enforce blowjobs to empower women. Pero sa pinapanood ko, it seems like it is the other way around. That pornstar chic has the power! sya yung nag cocontrol at yung lalaki pa yung helpless begging for her to continue.
I watched several other videos such as masturbation, striptease, outdoor sex, cheating, group sex etc.. all those that I never dared to watch before. I used to think they were too extreme and only for wild perverted people... but now I couldn't help but imagine myself being in those kinds of grotesque situations and doing crazy things that everyone (including me) thought I'm not supposed to or capable to do. Little by little nawawala na yung limitations ko na parang I wanted to try them all.
All these thoughts running through my head while I watched those dirty videos certainly bring me agad to libog state. I'm in a hotel room just by myself. I wasn't home so there's nothing to distress about my sister or my parents hearing me or somebody barging into my room. I ended up pleasuring myself over and over while completely naked sa bed ko... as in leg spread and moaning like crazy na kahit mejo OA for someone doing masturbation lang.
I didn't care as I never had such privacy before. I wasn't doing it just to get a quick release, I let it all out without any inhibitions na parang there's a camera right in front of me and filming a masturbation scene.
“Shit ka Dan, what have you done to me..” I recall talking to myself just before a huge orgasm started tearing my entire body.
By Stellargirl
Ch.11 - The next day
I woke up the next day relishing in the best rest that I had in a very long time. There’s a feeling of such contentedness and satisfaction as if my whole world were just sooo right. In fact, hindi ko na maalala kung kailan yung last time na I slept so deeply and waking up with a calm and peaceful feeling.
Despite that serene feeling, yung buong katawan ko naman parang ang bigat. I tried lifting any body part pero I couldn't... my entire katawan feels so sore at hindi ko mai-angat yung sarili ko. You know that feeling na you woke up the next morning after doing a 30k marathon without doing any prep work prior? similar aching feeling. I gave up na lang and decided to stay in bed and rest all day.
I realized na I slept fully naked pala in which I have never done before. I began to recollect what happened the night before. Everything seems to be hazy but then I felt something weird and dry feeling around my face and chest area. “Oh shit!” dun lang nagregister sa utak ko yung nangyari kagabi.
“Oh shit… shit ...shit…. no way” I told myself in horror as I covered my face with my hands in full regret. I felt my stomach twist and my mind was racing... it's all coming back to me. The more I was trying to calm myself na okay lang yung nangyari, mas lalo pa akong hindi mapakali.
I remember how it all began with an innocent pretend date that led Dan to accompany me all the way to my hotel (Details here). How my guilt for turning him down the last minute culminates into an insane sex chat. How can I forget when he told me that he never left the hotel while I was so high in libog that sealed it for me. (Details here).
I began to reminisce how Dan finger fucked me while naka-open yung door ng hotel room ko (Details here) and showed me through simple touches and bastos words can turn up my libog switch (Details here). How I teased him by playing myself in front of him and how he licked my entire body and that lasting image of my katawan hanging ng nangingisay as I cummed hard sa bibig nya (Details here).
Then flashbacks of his big cock in my hand and how he persuaded my unwilling mind to ride his cock (Details here) at yung feeling nung unang pasok nya sa pussy ko. How I fucked my whole being to that cock while kausap namin sa phone si Christian.
I remember letting him fuck me in front of the window for everyone to see and beg to be fucked over and over. I remember the biggest orgasm I had ever experienced while marking me as his bitch by marking my face and upper body ng tamod nya (Details here).
I remember everything. Hindi sya panaginip lang. Nangyari talaga sya.
Naalala ko na I slept all night with his cum still dripping in my face and my body. I savoured the feeling instead na mandiri. I remember wanting that feeling to last kaya I didn't even bother to clean it up. I was a mess yet ang sarap ng tulog ko. It all felt normal like having a guy’s cum dripping in my face felt like a typical beauty product that I regularly put on. Instead na magsisi at mandiri, a part of me felt some sort of surrender na parang tinatanggap ko na lang yung nangyari.
When suddenly I heard a loud ring just next to my bedside table and it was the hotel reception calling me. "Badtrip naman!" nasabi ko sa pa sarili ko. My eyes are shut pa habang inaabot ko yung hotel phone sa right side ko.
"Hello!?" I said na mejo half irritated.
The reception told me na there’s a guy named Christian waiting for me at the lobby. They wanted to check with me na kung ok lang daw ba sa akin if he can come up straight to my room as a guest. Mejo groggy pa ako and wasn't used to the Singaporean accent by the reception lady so I said yes na lang before hanging up the phone.
I checked my phone and yep, Christian was calling me multiple times na pala. I wasn't even bothered that I kept him waiting but I was more bothered about not receiving any message or call from Dan. Nakahiga pa rin ako sa bed trying to warm up my brain then I pushed myself to sit up and saw my room in full of mess.
Evidence of what happened last night was everywhere. My sando and panties and a few pillows are on the floor. Ang gulo gulo ng bedsheets and of course, I myself looked like a fucking wreck.
I realized that I made a mistake of letting Christian to come directly to my room. So, I hurried to try to tidy up the room but it was too late na as I heard him knocking na kaagad. I wore whatever I could find and wiped that dried tamod off my skin and hurried myself to open the door.
Christian greeted me agad as I let him enter my room. He wondered around and joked pa na for a girl e sobrang makalat daw ako sa bahay. He brought some homemade 'tapsilog' that he cooked for me... the very same comfort food na dinadala nya sa house namin back then when I was doing my college thesis. He’s indeed a very sweet guy and I wasn't sure how to act normal around him anymore especially after what happened last night.
Suddenly, a flashback of what Dan said last night creeps into my head when I saw Christian unpacking the food containers while sitting at the sofa bed. “Breakfast breakfast pa syang nalalaman e titi lang kailangan mo!...”
Just the thought of it made me smile for some reason while staring in blank over to where Christian was seating at. All I could think of is that he’s seating at the very same sofa bed na kung saan naka bent over ako last night as Dan royally fucks me like a dog.
“Alam mo ba unit namin yan?...” I heard Christian said sabay turo sa labas ng window.
I snapped back to reality as I almost blurted the word “Shit!” out of panic. Sinilip ko agad yung tinuturo nya and felt some sort of relief after realizing na malayo naman pala yung unit nya.
“So... you can see my room pala galing sa unit nyo?” I curiously asked him.
“Siguro, jan lang kami oh..." sabay turo kung saan yung window nila.
"Pasilip silip nga ako kagabi eh....Hindi mo kasi sinasagot yung phone mo...nag aalala na ako...” dagdag pa nya “Gusto na nga kita puntahan dito sa hotel at baka kasi kung ano na nangyari sayo...”
That’s when I realized na if Dan didn't dare to answer his call last night, malamang silip pa rin sya ng silip sa window nila. There’s a good chance he might see a silhouette of 2 people having wild crazy monkey sex in front of the window… having no idea na it's me, his ex-girlfriend na binabanatan ng friend nya. Or he might come over and ask the hotel staff to open my door at malalaman nya din eventually na kasama ko si Dan sa room. Either way, it was a disaster waiting to happen.
“Bakit ka naman nagaalala. Okay lang ako, you dont have to worry about me...” sabi ko. “Plus safe naman dito, kaya ko naman sarili ko”
I can tell by his reactions na disappointed sya for not relying on him anymore.
“Sa totoo lang nagwoworry lang ako sa pinost ni Dan sa group chat namin na magkasama kayo” sagot nya. “Unang pumasok sa isip ko e pumayag ka na sumama sa unggoy na yun.”
Then inulit nya ulit yung mga pinagsasabi nya kagabi sa phone about kay Dan. He made a mistake daw na hindi nya pinaalam sa group nila na naging kami. He felt that the timing ain’t right during our 'Gluttons Bay' dinner to introduce me as his ex tapos kasama pa namin si Nat (his current girlfriend).
Kwento pa nya na na after I left the table during our dinner nagpaalam daw agad si Dan in front of the group na popormahan ako. Hindi na daw sya makareact since katabi nya si Nat pero confident naman daw sya na hindi ko papatulan si Dan kaya hinayaan nya lang (Details here). He wasn't bothered daw until nakita nya na nagshare si Dan ng photo na magkasama kami last night na gumigimik sa Clark Quay (Details here).
“Ano ba sabi ni Dan sa inyo?” I asked him, curious if Dan said something to them after what happened between us.
“Wala naman. Alam naman nya wala syang maiyayabang. Kaya pinagtatawanan yun eh...” reply nya. “Tinawagan ko pa nga sya bago kita nakausap. Ramdam ko na hiyang hiya sya na wala syang maiyayabang haha...” sabay tawa nya.
Christian wasn't aware na I was listening to that convo last night. Alam ko na gusto ni Dan iyabang na he got me, pero I refused so hindi nya tinuloy. What Christian didn’t know na while kausap nya si Dan sa phone, I was half-naked and super libog na libog while pleasuring myself in front of the guy he referred to as 'unggoy' (Details here).
“Pero J, weird... I got jealous na nalaman ko na pinopormahan ka ng iba...lalo na nung nalaman ko na magkasama kayo na gumimik, akala ko talaga nag-date kayo...” he confessed.
“Why are you jealous? hindi naman na tayo. Besides I feel weird nga sa mga effort mo sa akin lalo na may girlfriend ka na pala... don’t get me wrong, na appreciate ko lahat pero unfair lang kay Nat, kaya hindi na kita iniistorbo” sabi ko.
“Hindi ko din alam e. I can’t shake this feeling na parang na-miss kita” sabi nya. “Since naghiwalay tayo parang walang closure, kasi magkalayo tayo at hindi man lang kita nakita. Napwersa nalang ako mag move-on kasi parang gusto mo na din maging single. Sobrang lungkot ko nun ng ilang buwan kasi ginawa ko naman lahat ng gusto mo nung tayo pa.” Explanation pa nya.
“Hindi kita mapakilala sa tropa kasi ayoko malaman nila na ikaw yung girl na I couldn't move on from. Feeling emasculated ako nung tayo pa dahil diba ikaw lagi nasusunod, tapos ako pa din lagi ang habol ng habol sayo. Ayoko na malaman nila na ikaw yun. So to save face hindi ko nalang pinagsabi...” dagdag pa nya.
That was a heartfelt confession drove straight into my hopeless romantic soul. He’s such a good person and I know for a fact na minahal nya din ako ng sobra. Pero I was a little bit surprised na may lingering feelings pa rin pala sya sa akin kahit matagal na kaming hindi nagkikita. I was kind of expecting it naman kahit papaano pero nakakagulat pa din considering na may ibang girlfriend na sya.
“Careful, may girlfriend ka na...” sabi ko while smiling to lighten up our ma-dramang convo.
“I know….Alam ko naman yun... I’m just saying lang na if bibigyan ako ng hypothetical choice between you or Nat, I’ll choose you in a heartbeat…” He said while smiling din.
“So please, let me be part of your limited time dito sa SG, magleleave ako at ito-tour kita, anything... gusto lang kita makasama. Once bumalik ka na dito for good, I hope na settle ko na what I need to settle to be available sayo...” dagdag nya. “Yun lang eh if you feel the same way about me...”
I suddenly felt a little guilty sa mga nangyari just the night prior. I blushed as I can see the sincerity in his face. I have a lot of options in terms of dating pero in my mind, he's always been the guy who truly deserves to win me. It’s just that the timing ain’t right because he’s already dating somebody else na and then I made the situation a lot worse pa lalo dahil sa nangyari sa amin ni Dan.
If only he’d confess about his feelings like a day earlier, sana na avoid ko pa yung nangyari kay Dan. But it’s already too late. Suddenly I wasn't feeling excited about him anymore and all my lingering feelings are gone. I do feel guilty because he sounded serious na gusto nya ako balikan but the feeling wasn't mutual. My vicious mind was telling me, “Ano ako, back-up plan nya?”
At that time if I was given naman a hypothetical choice between getting back together with Christian or just a fucking session with Dan, honestly think I might choose the latter. That’s how corrupted my mind was and how low I have fallen. Yung dating J who viewed by many as every guy's girlfriend material chooses to be just fuck toy to somebody like Dan.
“So ano, tara na USS tayo. Sunday ngayon, late na marami ng tao dun” Christian said to break the silence kasi nagmuni muni lang ako and didn't actually respond sa confession nya.
“Uhm siguro wag na lang muna today, gusto ko sana magpahinga all day, masakit katawan ko eh..” I said while moving gingerly. Dan fücked me so good that I could barely move or even walk after. Although I needed rest to recuperate, may iba pa talaga akong dahilan. To some extent, I prefer to stay available just in case Dan calls me back and wishes to come and visit me again... I know for sure that he will, jackpot kaya sya sa akin... so at least I wanted to clear my schedule for the day.
“Ano ba nangyari sayo?” He asked while wondering why I was having trouble moving around.
I remember looking at him like I wanted to sarcastically ask him na “Sure ka gusto mo malaman?..."
“Sobrang pagod lang kakapasyal at kakalakad.. Then I had cramps pa every few minutes last night. I need to stay hydrated lang siguro” safe answer ko.
There's a part of me wanted to brag about what happened last night. How I wish I can tell him the reason I feel so tender is because of the rude kantot that Dan just given me. I wanna stress out in detail how roughly my pussy was destroyed with his big cock at iyabang ko sa kanya how my little tiny treasured body was built pala for merciless pounding.
Pwede ko ba sabihin sa kanya na "Heey! kinantot pala ako ni Dan last night and I let him cum in my face... and yep, I enjoyed every single moment of it while you are at home realizing na may feelings ka pa pala sa akin..." Would telling him that makes it any better?
Of course, it’s all in my head lang. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko iniisip yun. Bakit ko naeenjoy na wala syang kaalam alam sa nangyari and yet somehow gusto ko din ipaalam sa kanya. How can I think of such merciless things to someone who hasn't done anything wrong sa akin. Just a few days prior I was full of hope about the possibility of seeing him again and maybe getting back together... then last night happened and suddenly I have no remorse whatsoever. Narealize ko lang na I'm capable pala to be someone’s worst nightmare kung gugustuhin ko lang. Am I really that evil?
“Oo naman, bilhan kita ng medicine, I’ll bring some more food pa para di mo na kailangan lumabas...” he said habang inaalalayan nya ako pabalik ng bed. Hiniga nya ako and he told me to rest lang and if I needed something, i-message ko lang daw sya.
After a while, umalis na din sya. He’s acting as if we were BF/GF kami na parang I’m his girl that he should be taking care of. I have no reason to be guilty and yet it was torture to see him trap me with his confession and then treat me so nicely. As if somehow I was the villainous one cheating on him with Dan. Did I forget to mention we are not together anymore and he's already dating someone else?
I just laid in the bed all day lang thinking of the situation I was in. “Bahala silang lahat, hindi na ako babalik dito..” I recall telling myself while getting tired na of trying to find a way to work it out.
Christian went back to my hotel after lunch. Sinamahan nya ako throught the day until umuwi na din sya after dinner. The entire day went by pero ni isang message or call wala akong nareceive kay Dan. I kept on checking my phone every few minutes like a clingy MF. Kapag nakikita ko na online sya sa FB, parang nagreready ako na baka magmessage na sya... and then he won't... arghh! I swear, it drove me insane.
“As if ako pa magpaparamdam sa kanya...kapal nya, bahala sya...” pagmamalaki ko pa sa sarili ko.
But I couldn’t help to wonder what went wrong. Did I do something to turn him off? Hindi ba sya nag enjoy? Shit sya! There are so many guys who are so into me, feeling gwapo ba sya? He should be grateful na pumatol ako sa kanya.
Despite that hindi pa rin ako mapakali. Parang ganun ganun na lang ba yun? I heard that saying “Wham bam thank you mam” and what? that’s it? He told me na gagawin nya lang ako parausan nya. Did he really mean that? A guy like him treating a girl like me as parausan lang? I know na I don't deserve that but maybe some bitter guys do. I mean I’ve been turning down guys, paasa and rejecting them because feeling ko I always deserved better. I think so highly about myself and that I hold the power and control over anyone.
So much for being picky, I got humbled by Dan. I felt so down after recalling the promise I made for myself na hinding hindi ako mabibiktima ng kahit na sinong lalaki. How Dan exploited my vulnerability and was able to get through me despite humiliating me with his words was unreal. He didn't have to pretend or lie just to get me into bed as other predators do. No awkward sweet talk or courtship or anything. How he managed to release my inner libog without even forcing me was a masterclass. He played me like a violin all night. So f*ckin graceful.
He literally used me for pleasure lang. Yung body na ini-ingatan ko all my life was just used para magpasarap lang ng titi ng lalaki. I hated the thought of it, pero that's what really happened eh. I get it now why he referred to me as 'pokpok' and not to hammer on my humiliation further... but because maybe that's what I really am to him... a pussy to fuck at parausan lang. If that's true then I'm the worst kind dahil I'm the pokpok who did it for free.
Fine! kahit for pleasure at libog lang... why is he not calling me? Bakit hindi sya nagpaparamdam? Masyado ba akong maarte? A lot of questions kept running inside my head.
I was browsing on my phone to distract myself when I stumbled upon a streaming porn site and decided to check it out. I watched a few and found myself imagining as the girl on the video being fucked senselessly. Picturing myself being roughly fucked on different positions wasn't exactly the distraction I needed.
I stumbled upon a blowjob scene in which I ordinarily find disgusting... pero that time pinanood ko talaga sya. Flashbacks of Dan make tutok his cock sa face ko while I was in an orgasmic state... I recall how my lips just reacted on its own and letting his cock penetrate inside my mouth. Before I used to find it so ewww or yucky but last night was different. Hindi ako nandiri or nag a-arte arte. Somehow I was in autopilot at sinipsip ko pa yung head ng titi nya. What the F*ck right?
It seems that deep inside my twisted subconscious mind, it was natural thing to do. Na parang I was born with an automated instinct to allow every cock infiltrate my mouth. I promised myself over and over na I will never ever 'eveeeer' do blowjobs and I meant it... but somehow it's killing me na there are things in life I have literally no control of... kahit ano pang isigaw ng prinsipyo ko.
Some are gifted with athletic ability to play sports and some are inbred with creative minds to innovate. The successful ones are those who do things that were natural to them.
My entire life I brainwashed myself to abhor giving head. What if my lips and mouth are really meant for sucking cocks. What if magpasarap ng lalaki is what I'm actually good at. What if I've been trying to contradict what I was truly designed and programmed to be... a natural born cocksucker. After being awakened, I realized that there's no escaping destiny and at some point I have to accept the inevitable.
I watched that scene intently, how the girl does it pati yung reaction nung guy. All along, I thought that men enforce blowjobs to empower women. Pero sa pinapanood ko, it seems like it is the other way around. That pornstar chic has the power! sya yung nag cocontrol at yung lalaki pa yung helpless begging for her to continue.
I watched several other videos such as masturbation, striptease, outdoor sex, cheating, group sex etc.. all those that I never dared to watch before. I used to think they were too extreme and only for wild perverted people... but now I couldn't help but imagine myself being in those kinds of grotesque situations and doing crazy things that everyone (including me) thought I'm not supposed to or capable to do. Little by little nawawala na yung limitations ko na parang I wanted to try them all.
All these thoughts running through my head while I watched those dirty videos certainly bring me agad to libog state. I'm in a hotel room just by myself. I wasn't home so there's nothing to distress about my sister or my parents hearing me or somebody barging into my room. I ended up pleasuring myself over and over while completely naked sa bed ko... as in leg spread and moaning like crazy na kahit mejo OA for someone doing masturbation lang.
I didn't care as I never had such privacy before. I wasn't doing it just to get a quick release, I let it all out without any inhibitions na parang there's a camera right in front of me and filming a masturbation scene.
“Shit ka Dan, what have you done to me..” I recall talking to myself just before a huge orgasm started tearing my entire body.
