NSFWMy Rude Awakening Ch. 04
By Stellargirl
Ch. 04: Gimik Date Prank
​
I got back to my hotel room with a heavy heart after learning about Christian's new girlfriend. I have no right to be upset pero hindi ko ma-control yung bigat ng pakiramdam ko. I went to check Nat's FB page and dug deep into her timeline and then I found several photos of them together posted 2 years ago, this was around the time Christian and I parted ways. A lot of scenarios are running inside my freaking head; Did he cheat on me while we are still in a long-distance relationship? Is she the reason why we broke up and why Christian decided to let me go?... At that time I just wanted to be far away with them as much as possible. They made my decision a lot easier... there's no way I'm coming back here in Singapore. I am fully decided na sa Dubai nalang talaga ako.
While browsing through my phone, message notifications pop into my screen and it was Dan sending me some of my photos he took earlier. Kinakamusta nya ako and typical me just sending him single word replies and letting him know na I wasn't in the right mood to talk. Then he hit me with another message fully capturing my attention; "Pasensya na hindi ko alam na ex-gf ka pala ni Christian... Kung alam ko lang edi mas nakiride-on ako sayo at pinagselos natin sya lalo..."
He admitted finding out about me and Christian after checking my facebook throughly. I reacted defensively agad by letting him know na I don't use people for that nonsense yadda yadda... pero inamin ko din out of spite na I was trying to show him na naka-moved on na rin ako.
Dan and I chatted all night till the very next day. He listened to my kwento kahit na I'm being too self-centred for talking too much about me. In short, I got comfortable din ako kaagad sa kanya. He's fun to talk to and most importantly he's honest... He didn't lie about being married... so that cleared everything up na agad na hindi ko sya papatulan at yung mga flirtation at hirit nya are not meant to be taken seriously.
I think Dan is becoming more and more comfortable na din expressing himself towards me and it's definitely a welcome change. He talks real shit at hindi sya kagaya ng ibang guys na nakakausap at nakikilala ko na pa-goodboy at sobrang ingat na ingat sa akin. Maybe ayaw nila ako ma-offend or baka ma turn-off agad ako sa kanila? But for quite some time I was hoping for somebody to treat me like an adult. Sa totoo lang, a non-filtered convo doesn't really bother me anymore.
Dan chats the way he is in person... direct to the point and full of confidence. May mga hirit sya na minsan bastos and he's not holding back when cursing pero hinahayaan ko lang sya. I wanted him to be himself sa akin.
The next day was Saturday and I didn't have much anything planned for the day. Eventually, I got bored so I went for lunch with some of my old friends and did some light shopping at Bugis market for pasalubongs. Dan and I kept our communication throughout the entire day. I decided not to bother Christian anymore and kept my distance after learning about his girlfriend. So, I turned to Dan and he was happy to give me some tips and guides travelling around SG. "Huwag ka maniwala kay Christian, sa akin ka makinig..." mga hirit pa nya.
Later that afternoon, Dan shared a screencap of a group chat ng mga tropa nila, the same group that I met during last night's Makansutra dinner. Dan was teasing Christian about asking permission kung pwede ba daw nya ako 'pormahan'. You can really tell naman na pabiro naman yung way ng pagkakasabi nya. Most of the guys were chiming in, binubuyo si Christian, inaasar si Dan etc...
Dan told me na kinukuha nya lang daw reaction ni Christian so that he can share that with me. Christian was obviously irritated and he's being sarcastic pa by wishing Dan some good luck and bluntly warning Dan that he knows me very well and sure na hindi ko daw sya papatulan. Christian never introduced me as his ex-girlfriend so parang nagtataka yung mga friends nya kasi obvious daw na masyado daw syang affected at napipikon.
I'm not even sure why but I was thrilled by his alarmed reaction. I don't hate Christian. He didn't do anything wrong naman. He didn't cheat on me when we were together (maybe..., I don't know) and in fact, his true intentions towards me were pure- He doesn't want to lose me as a friend despite na he's dating somebody else na. He wanted us to be like Ross and Rachel.
Unfortunately, I wasn't in the right mind at that time. I was being bitter and vindictive. I wanted him to feel the way I felt about him and Nat. I don't know why and I don't have any reason for feeling that way. In my mind, It felt like Christian was sticking it into my face na he had moved on and he's dating a better girl... kahit alam kong hindi naman talaga yun ang intention nya. Basta, I wish I could explain further where my head was and my feelings back then.
Dan sort of suggested na we should meet up kahit pa-picture lang na magkasama kami just to tease Christian more and shut his friends up na walang bilib sa kanya. The right thing to do was, of course, to easily turn him down and let him know that I'm not interested in being used for some silly prank.
But then again my emotions are overwhelming me and I wasn't thinking very clearly so I agreed to meet him. Dan suggested na I should dress something different and wanted me to look hot. Sobrang polluted yung mind ko so I went straight to shop for some tube top (which I don't normally wear at that time) and afterwards went back to my hotel to get myself ready. Looking back, it's crazy to think na I was doing all that effort to make Christian jealous... an ex-boyfriend na wala namang talagang ginagawang masama sa akin. Where in reality, I was completely overlooking the fact na I was about to go out on a date with a guy like Dan.
Dan asked me to meet him sa Clark Quay (Gimik spot in SG) which is actually just a few minutes cab ride away from my hotel. He was all smiles when I met him wearing just a normal polo shirt & jeans.
"Tara picture na so I can go home and rest na…," I told him agad even though I was expecting naman to hang out with him for a while.
"Ikot ikot muna tayo, kahit drinks lang. Sayang naman porma mo eh..." Hirit nya. So we stroll for a bit, showing me around Clark Quay which is surprisingly not so crowded and for a Saturday night. It seems like he knows where to go so sinusundan ko lang sya.
Suddenly he's greeting some guy na lang bigla sabay pakilala sa akin. Mga workmates nya daw are there hanging out at kung okay lang daw na maki-join kami. I figured it out na meeting his workmates there wasn't a happy accident where in fact he's trying to parade me as his date in front of them.
I was staring at Dan with my 'taray' look, letting him know na I also knew what he's trying to do. He was looking back at me like he's begging for me to go along with it. Of course, ang rude naman to turned them all down... so when we all sat down, bumulong agad ako kay Dan na "Ikaw ah... kaya pala dito mo sinabi na magmeet...kaya pala..."
Dan's friends are cool naman at may mga girls din so mejo naging at ease naman ako kahit na at times I caught some of the other guys are staring at me, probably wondering why a girl like me hanging out with a guy like Dan. Later on, Dan handed over his phone to someone, asked him to take a photo of just me and him seating side by side. Afterwards, He leaned over close to me to share his phone screen as he sends over those photos sa group chat nila.
Enjoy naman kami sa mga replies ng ibang friends nya. We know that Christian has seen the pictures pero he's not responding at mas lalo syang kinakatyawan ng lahat. A few minutes later, my phones buzzed and it was Christian calling me. I remember holding my phone with my paarte na OMG face, proudly showing to Dan who's calling me. Dan told me not to answer the call para daw mas lalo syang ma siraan ng ulo.
After a while, I started to feel a little tipsy and Dan pulled me away sa group so that we can hang out just ourselves. We just sat there at the steps along the river then kwentuhan at chikahan lang mostly about Christian. He confessed na he kind of knew something about me and Christian pero ayaw nalang nya i-open up. Classic move na kunwari may sasabihin sabay babawiin na wag nalang. Of course, ako naman nacucurious so back and forth kami na kinukulit ko sya kung ano yung gusto nya i-share sa akin.
Dan shared a particular drinking session of their group happened a few years back. Pinilit daw nila na lasingin si Christian para magkwento tungkol sa sexlife nila ni Nat (Nathalie). Christian shared to them na wild daw si Nathalie sa bed, complete opposite ng ex-gf nya na sobrang conservative (which is me). He added na marami daw syang firsts with Nat like blowjobs etc.... Christian kind of insulted me pa about me being too uptight and childish and partially blaming me for not able fully enjoy the craziness of college life as much as others did.
I was stunned of course and I didn't know how to respond after hearing all of that. Nangaasar pa sya na masyado naman daw akong madamot at pinahirapan si Christian about sex kaya daw naghanap na ng iba. My insecurities started to reel in kahit alam kong mejo sinasadya or ginagatungan nya lang yung issues namin ni Christian. Ako naman si **** na feeling emotional so I kept defending my principles and explained to him na I was young then and sobrang immature.
From then on, naging topic na namin ang sex. He's being upfront sa mga words na ginagamit nya and to my surprise hindi naman ako na-ooffend. Thanks to his never-ending na pang gagatong, he got me to the point na napapaamin nya ako to some personal stuff that I don't normally share with anyone. In fact, I don't even have to defend myself to him, pero there I was, determined to prove myself na I'm not some kind of Hitler in bed as Christian claims that I am.
I wasn't backing down to any sensitive conversation he brought up. Some of the questions were too personal that I couldn't answer him directly pero I showed him that I can handle them. Pati rin ako nagugulat sa sarili ko. He's started to gain more confidence din to express himself sa akin. In fact, I can feel my nerve endings feeling stimulated as the conversation started to turn me on a little bit. Not a single soul dared to talk to me that way before.
"Ano kaya reaction ni Christian if malaman nya na may nangyari sa atin. Tingin ko mababaliw yun...." he said ng pabiro and added with more pangbubuyo from him. "Nageenjoy na sya kay Nat, dapat ikaw din, alangan naman sya lang diba...?"
I'm not stupid and I know what he's trying to do. I can see through him and I'm not some gullible chic na mabibiktima nya. He's playing with my insecurities and trying to convince me to get even. Asa sya diba! I'm not falling for that. So lame and offending if he actually believes na it's gonna work at mauuto nya ako.
But then again, this is new territory for me and I've never gotten to this point with any guy before. Lahat sila never get passed to this level of flirtation. I've always been curious about how do hooks-ups go and lead to sex. Paano sya nai-initate? paano nagsisimula? I'm pretty sure I can stop at any point so sige, I'll play the stupid chic part and see how it goes. Alam ko naman na I can end it whenever I wanted to.
"Ok lang ba ihatid kita sa hotel mo. Sa lobby lang ako and magchecheck-in sa FB para sa mga fans ko (referring to his friends in their group chat) at kay Christian para mabaliw sya..." biro pa nya kahit na I know for sure he wouldn't do that because I know he's married. Takot nya lang din na mahuli sya ng wife nya.
A part of me finds it exciting na we have an audience waiting for what's gonna happen between us. Dan is basically the clown of their group... I mean not in a ‘light-of-the-party’ type of way but he’s their tropa that no one takes seriously and just laughs at him. Everyone finds him pa-bida, loud, obnoxious at mayabang so they can't wait to make fun of him once he fails his way sa akin. Knowing all of this, I can't help but root for Dan to succeed. Sadly I can't let it happen and it won't be at my expense.
So, I was going back and forth of ending it then or let it play out and deal with the consequence later. I know the right thing to do and there's a reason I have been avoiding to get into this kind of situation my entire life. But for once, I wanted to see how it plays out. I know it's stupid to let this go further, but I'm not being entirely stupid because I know exactly what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I'm not hypnotized or under some sort of spell na walang control sa mangyayari. I have a clear mind and I swore to myself na I can end all of it just before everything gets worse.
I didn't agree to anything pero we just started walking towards the taxi stand. While in a queue, I remember asking him "So from a make-believe date, now gusto mo magmukhang may mangyayari pa sa atin? Galing mo ah!..."
"Sa ganda mo at sa kagaya ko, okey na ako sa make-believe" sagot nya and he jokingly added "Mas masaya na ako dun kesa makantot nga kita pero wala naman akong proof at walang maniniwala"
I was stunned by what he said. Did he just say the "K" word right in front of me? "grabe ka!" was the only words came out of my mouth. Ewan ko ba... pero parang nag blush ako sa sinabi nya.
"Haha bakit? Totoo naman... Kung may proof lang ako na kunwari may nangyari sa atin, masaya na akong uuwi sa bahay at dun nalang ako magjajakol at iimaginin ko nalang na nakantot kita. Ganun din naman yun..." dagdag pa nya.
I slapped his braso while looking around hoping na walang nakarinig sa kanya. His kalye words started to turn me on and when it did, my good girl instincts are alarming me to end this madness. I felt numb like my whole body, arms and face were all blushing at the same time- that's when I started to think na this shit can really happen if I don't end it right then and there.
"Okay so if you have a choice between having a staged proof pero it didn't really happen or it happened pero there's no proof, mas pipiliin mo yung una*?..."* I asked while looking for an opportunity to turn him down.
"Kung convincing yung staged proof then oo mas prefer ko yun..." sagot nya without any hesitation.
His answer threw me off a little bit. I fully expect him to select the other at naka-compose na sa utak ko how I'll turn him down. "Really!? You'd rather feed your ego than the real thing...?" shocked pa din ako sa sagot nya.
"So, if I asked you to go ahead let's do it, no proof or anything, tatanggi ka...?" dagdag ko pa
"Real offer ba yan? Haha! Ofcourse mas pipiliin ko na makantot kita. Pero if papipiliin mo ako sa dalawang option, mas appealing sa akin yung may proof just because I know hindi possible yung una" sagot nya. "Wala naman akong galit kay Christian,at wala naman akong kailangang I-prove sa mga tropa... Pero minsan pinagkakatuwaan nila ako na nagyayabang lang daw ako at puro imbento..."
"Yang si Christian nahuli ko na yan na behind my back sinasabi nya na feeling gwapo daw ako at wala naman daw maniniwala sa akin... May sarili pa silang group chat at pinagkakatuwaan itsura ko. Over confident at marami daw nababastusan sa akin" He added. "So yep kung mas convincing yung proof, mas prefer ko yun"
I've known Christian for a very long time and he does talk about people he dislikes behind their backs. He's friendly to your face even if he doesn't like you and then alienate other people to dislike you behind your back. So somehow naniniwala ako sa sinasabi ni Dan.
We were in the middle of our convo when suddenly a cab pulled in right in front of us and I lost my chance to tell him na wag na akong ihatid. My passive-aggressiveness came back to bite me as he's all convinced na something is about to happen between us. Dan continued to talk shit about Christian the entire cab ride while undecided naman ako between trying to find a way to turn him down nicely or let him have his way and see what happens.
Nasa likod ko lang sya and he was following me when we entered the hotel lobby. I thought if I didn't say anything, iisipin nya na ok lang na sundan nya ako hanggang sa room ko, so I stopped and said my goodbyes and thanked him sa paghatid. Humirit pa rin sya na kung ok lang daw ba na ihatid nya ako sa room ko habang naka ngisi sabay kindat pa sa akin.
I think it reached to that point where it's really up to me to decide if this is really gonna happen or not. The adrenaline of being a lone traveller in a foreign country and thrill of doing something crazy... do something I wasn't supposed to... and I can leave it all behind me was so tempting. I can let this stranger take me and won't have to worry about any guilt or consequences. I wanted to say yes but it felt overwhelming at that time and I chickened out as I've always been my entire life. I chose the safer option and I turned him down.
"Dan, alam ko what you're trying to do, pero I'm sorry but I can't let this happen. I think we've gone too far na. I'm thinking straight and trying to do the right thing. It was fun playing along and fooling Christian and thank you for that. But hanggang dun na lang... If you want to impress your friends, I can't be a part of that anymore. Pero thank you…." mahabang monologue ko sa kanya
He looked so disappointed pero he was still smiling. Humihirit pa rin sya na he just wanted to take a couple of pictures lang daw ng room ko at aalis na sya. He won't send it daw sa group or kay Christian kaya mejo nalito ako kung para saan pa yun. Anyway, I ignored his request and just gave him a smile and waved goodbye.
I went up and went straight to my bed with a heavy feeling around my chest. It was rude na paasahin ko sya but I know na I just avoided a potential catastrophe sa buhay ko. I know I made the right decision but I didn't feel good about it. I started remembering our kwentuhan earlier, how his bluntness and unfiltered words turned me on and suddenly there's a feeling of regret of turning him down.
Minutes just passed and I was bored na agad. I decided to make it right somehow... so I stood up, took a couple of photos of my room and sent it to him with a message "Sorry I was rude earlier. Here are the photos you asked for..."
Seconds later, he replied "K lang. Sayang naiimagine ko pa naman sinisisid ko pussy mo jan sa kama...".
I felt a sudden surge of libog run through my whole body after reading that message. Nakahiga ako sa bed at that time at napatingin ako sa lower body ko... and suddenly I was picturing his ugly face between my legs. I clenched my face while questioning myself "What are you doing J....?"
Sobrang Init ko. My fingers were all trembling while typing in my reply; "Ok you win. Eat me lang. No kissing. No lights. No more proof. No other requests. Nothing except eat me lang. Uuwi kana after and then forget that we ever met..."
Soon enough he replied kaagad asking about my room number. Naghesitate nanaman ako but before eventually changing my mind again, I typed in the number in and hit the send button agad.
I'm done overthinking. There's no turning back anymore...
By Stellargirl
Ch. 04: Gimik Date Prank
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I got back to my hotel room with a heavy heart after learning about Christian's new girlfriend. I have no right to be upset pero hindi ko ma-control yung bigat ng pakiramdam ko. I went to check Nat's FB page and dug deep into her timeline and then I found several photos of them together posted 2 years ago, this was around the time Christian and I parted ways. A lot of scenarios are running inside my freaking head; Did he cheat on me while we are still in a long-distance relationship? Is she the reason why we broke up and why Christian decided to let me go?... At that time I just wanted to be far away with them as much as possible. They made my decision a lot easier... there's no way I'm coming back here in Singapore. I am fully decided na sa Dubai nalang talaga ako.
While browsing through my phone, message notifications pop into my screen and it was Dan sending me some of my photos he took earlier. Kinakamusta nya ako and typical me just sending him single word replies and letting him know na I wasn't in the right mood to talk. Then he hit me with another message fully capturing my attention; "Pasensya na hindi ko alam na ex-gf ka pala ni Christian... Kung alam ko lang edi mas nakiride-on ako sayo at pinagselos natin sya lalo..."
He admitted finding out about me and Christian after checking my facebook throughly. I reacted defensively agad by letting him know na I don't use people for that nonsense yadda yadda... pero inamin ko din out of spite na I was trying to show him na naka-moved on na rin ako.
Dan and I chatted all night till the very next day. He listened to my kwento kahit na I'm being too self-centred for talking too much about me. In short, I got comfortable din ako kaagad sa kanya. He's fun to talk to and most importantly he's honest... He didn't lie about being married... so that cleared everything up na agad na hindi ko sya papatulan at yung mga flirtation at hirit nya are not meant to be taken seriously.
I think Dan is becoming more and more comfortable na din expressing himself towards me and it's definitely a welcome change. He talks real shit at hindi sya kagaya ng ibang guys na nakakausap at nakikilala ko na pa-goodboy at sobrang ingat na ingat sa akin. Maybe ayaw nila ako ma-offend or baka ma turn-off agad ako sa kanila? But for quite some time I was hoping for somebody to treat me like an adult. Sa totoo lang, a non-filtered convo doesn't really bother me anymore.
Dan chats the way he is in person... direct to the point and full of confidence. May mga hirit sya na minsan bastos and he's not holding back when cursing pero hinahayaan ko lang sya. I wanted him to be himself sa akin.
The next day was Saturday and I didn't have much anything planned for the day. Eventually, I got bored so I went for lunch with some of my old friends and did some light shopping at Bugis market for pasalubongs. Dan and I kept our communication throughout the entire day. I decided not to bother Christian anymore and kept my distance after learning about his girlfriend. So, I turned to Dan and he was happy to give me some tips and guides travelling around SG. "Huwag ka maniwala kay Christian, sa akin ka makinig..." mga hirit pa nya.
Later that afternoon, Dan shared a screencap of a group chat ng mga tropa nila, the same group that I met during last night's Makansutra dinner. Dan was teasing Christian about asking permission kung pwede ba daw nya ako 'pormahan'. You can really tell naman na pabiro naman yung way ng pagkakasabi nya. Most of the guys were chiming in, binubuyo si Christian, inaasar si Dan etc...
Dan told me na kinukuha nya lang daw reaction ni Christian so that he can share that with me. Christian was obviously irritated and he's being sarcastic pa by wishing Dan some good luck and bluntly warning Dan that he knows me very well and sure na hindi ko daw sya papatulan. Christian never introduced me as his ex-girlfriend so parang nagtataka yung mga friends nya kasi obvious daw na masyado daw syang affected at napipikon.
I'm not even sure why but I was thrilled by his alarmed reaction. I don't hate Christian. He didn't do anything wrong naman. He didn't cheat on me when we were together (maybe..., I don't know) and in fact, his true intentions towards me were pure- He doesn't want to lose me as a friend despite na he's dating somebody else na. He wanted us to be like Ross and Rachel.
Unfortunately, I wasn't in the right mind at that time. I was being bitter and vindictive. I wanted him to feel the way I felt about him and Nat. I don't know why and I don't have any reason for feeling that way. In my mind, It felt like Christian was sticking it into my face na he had moved on and he's dating a better girl... kahit alam kong hindi naman talaga yun ang intention nya. Basta, I wish I could explain further where my head was and my feelings back then.
Dan sort of suggested na we should meet up kahit pa-picture lang na magkasama kami just to tease Christian more and shut his friends up na walang bilib sa kanya. The right thing to do was, of course, to easily turn him down and let him know that I'm not interested in being used for some silly prank.
But then again my emotions are overwhelming me and I wasn't thinking very clearly so I agreed to meet him. Dan suggested na I should dress something different and wanted me to look hot. Sobrang polluted yung mind ko so I went straight to shop for some tube top (which I don't normally wear at that time) and afterwards went back to my hotel to get myself ready. Looking back, it's crazy to think na I was doing all that effort to make Christian jealous... an ex-boyfriend na wala namang talagang ginagawang masama sa akin. Where in reality, I was completely overlooking the fact na I was about to go out on a date with a guy like Dan.
Dan asked me to meet him sa Clark Quay (Gimik spot in SG) which is actually just a few minutes cab ride away from my hotel. He was all smiles when I met him wearing just a normal polo shirt & jeans.
"Tara picture na so I can go home and rest na…," I told him agad even though I was expecting naman to hang out with him for a while.
"Ikot ikot muna tayo, kahit drinks lang. Sayang naman porma mo eh..." Hirit nya. So we stroll for a bit, showing me around Clark Quay which is surprisingly not so crowded and for a Saturday night. It seems like he knows where to go so sinusundan ko lang sya.
Suddenly he's greeting some guy na lang bigla sabay pakilala sa akin. Mga workmates nya daw are there hanging out at kung okay lang daw na maki-join kami. I figured it out na meeting his workmates there wasn't a happy accident where in fact he's trying to parade me as his date in front of them.
I was staring at Dan with my 'taray' look, letting him know na I also knew what he's trying to do. He was looking back at me like he's begging for me to go along with it. Of course, ang rude naman to turned them all down... so when we all sat down, bumulong agad ako kay Dan na "Ikaw ah... kaya pala dito mo sinabi na magmeet...kaya pala..."
Dan's friends are cool naman at may mga girls din so mejo naging at ease naman ako kahit na at times I caught some of the other guys are staring at me, probably wondering why a girl like me hanging out with a guy like Dan. Later on, Dan handed over his phone to someone, asked him to take a photo of just me and him seating side by side. Afterwards, He leaned over close to me to share his phone screen as he sends over those photos sa group chat nila.
Enjoy naman kami sa mga replies ng ibang friends nya. We know that Christian has seen the pictures pero he's not responding at mas lalo syang kinakatyawan ng lahat. A few minutes later, my phones buzzed and it was Christian calling me. I remember holding my phone with my paarte na OMG face, proudly showing to Dan who's calling me. Dan told me not to answer the call para daw mas lalo syang ma siraan ng ulo.
After a while, I started to feel a little tipsy and Dan pulled me away sa group so that we can hang out just ourselves. We just sat there at the steps along the river then kwentuhan at chikahan lang mostly about Christian. He confessed na he kind of knew something about me and Christian pero ayaw nalang nya i-open up. Classic move na kunwari may sasabihin sabay babawiin na wag nalang. Of course, ako naman nacucurious so back and forth kami na kinukulit ko sya kung ano yung gusto nya i-share sa akin.
Dan shared a particular drinking session of their group happened a few years back. Pinilit daw nila na lasingin si Christian para magkwento tungkol sa sexlife nila ni Nat (Nathalie). Christian shared to them na wild daw si Nathalie sa bed, complete opposite ng ex-gf nya na sobrang conservative (which is me). He added na marami daw syang firsts with Nat like blowjobs etc.... Christian kind of insulted me pa about me being too uptight and childish and partially blaming me for not able fully enjoy the craziness of college life as much as others did.
I was stunned of course and I didn't know how to respond after hearing all of that. Nangaasar pa sya na masyado naman daw akong madamot at pinahirapan si Christian about sex kaya daw naghanap na ng iba. My insecurities started to reel in kahit alam kong mejo sinasadya or ginagatungan nya lang yung issues namin ni Christian. Ako naman si **** na feeling emotional so I kept defending my principles and explained to him na I was young then and sobrang immature.
From then on, naging topic na namin ang sex. He's being upfront sa mga words na ginagamit nya and to my surprise hindi naman ako na-ooffend. Thanks to his never-ending na pang gagatong, he got me to the point na napapaamin nya ako to some personal stuff that I don't normally share with anyone. In fact, I don't even have to defend myself to him, pero there I was, determined to prove myself na I'm not some kind of Hitler in bed as Christian claims that I am.
I wasn't backing down to any sensitive conversation he brought up. Some of the questions were too personal that I couldn't answer him directly pero I showed him that I can handle them. Pati rin ako nagugulat sa sarili ko. He's started to gain more confidence din to express himself sa akin. In fact, I can feel my nerve endings feeling stimulated as the conversation started to turn me on a little bit. Not a single soul dared to talk to me that way before.
"Ano kaya reaction ni Christian if malaman nya na may nangyari sa atin. Tingin ko mababaliw yun...." he said ng pabiro and added with more pangbubuyo from him. "Nageenjoy na sya kay Nat, dapat ikaw din, alangan naman sya lang diba...?"
I'm not stupid and I know what he's trying to do. I can see through him and I'm not some gullible chic na mabibiktima nya. He's playing with my insecurities and trying to convince me to get even. Asa sya diba! I'm not falling for that. So lame and offending if he actually believes na it's gonna work at mauuto nya ako.
But then again, this is new territory for me and I've never gotten to this point with any guy before. Lahat sila never get passed to this level of flirtation. I've always been curious about how do hooks-ups go and lead to sex. Paano sya nai-initate? paano nagsisimula? I'm pretty sure I can stop at any point so sige, I'll play the stupid chic part and see how it goes. Alam ko naman na I can end it whenever I wanted to.
"Ok lang ba ihatid kita sa hotel mo. Sa lobby lang ako and magchecheck-in sa FB para sa mga fans ko (referring to his friends in their group chat) at kay Christian para mabaliw sya..." biro pa nya kahit na I know for sure he wouldn't do that because I know he's married. Takot nya lang din na mahuli sya ng wife nya.
A part of me finds it exciting na we have an audience waiting for what's gonna happen between us. Dan is basically the clown of their group... I mean not in a ‘light-of-the-party’ type of way but he’s their tropa that no one takes seriously and just laughs at him. Everyone finds him pa-bida, loud, obnoxious at mayabang so they can't wait to make fun of him once he fails his way sa akin. Knowing all of this, I can't help but root for Dan to succeed. Sadly I can't let it happen and it won't be at my expense.
So, I was going back and forth of ending it then or let it play out and deal with the consequence later. I know the right thing to do and there's a reason I have been avoiding to get into this kind of situation my entire life. But for once, I wanted to see how it plays out. I know it's stupid to let this go further, but I'm not being entirely stupid because I know exactly what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I'm not hypnotized or under some sort of spell na walang control sa mangyayari. I have a clear mind and I swore to myself na I can end all of it just before everything gets worse.
I didn't agree to anything pero we just started walking towards the taxi stand. While in a queue, I remember asking him "So from a make-believe date, now gusto mo magmukhang may mangyayari pa sa atin? Galing mo ah!..."
"Sa ganda mo at sa kagaya ko, okey na ako sa make-believe" sagot nya and he jokingly added "Mas masaya na ako dun kesa makantot nga kita pero wala naman akong proof at walang maniniwala"
I was stunned by what he said. Did he just say the "K" word right in front of me? "grabe ka!" was the only words came out of my mouth. Ewan ko ba... pero parang nag blush ako sa sinabi nya.
"Haha bakit? Totoo naman... Kung may proof lang ako na kunwari may nangyari sa atin, masaya na akong uuwi sa bahay at dun nalang ako magjajakol at iimaginin ko nalang na nakantot kita. Ganun din naman yun..." dagdag pa nya.
I slapped his braso while looking around hoping na walang nakarinig sa kanya. His kalye words started to turn me on and when it did, my good girl instincts are alarming me to end this madness. I felt numb like my whole body, arms and face were all blushing at the same time- that's when I started to think na this shit can really happen if I don't end it right then and there.
"Okay so if you have a choice between having a staged proof pero it didn't really happen or it happened pero there's no proof, mas pipiliin mo yung una*?..."* I asked while looking for an opportunity to turn him down.
"Kung convincing yung staged proof then oo mas prefer ko yun..." sagot nya without any hesitation.
His answer threw me off a little bit. I fully expect him to select the other at naka-compose na sa utak ko how I'll turn him down. "Really!? You'd rather feed your ego than the real thing...?" shocked pa din ako sa sagot nya.
"So, if I asked you to go ahead let's do it, no proof or anything, tatanggi ka...?" dagdag ko pa
"Real offer ba yan? Haha! Ofcourse mas pipiliin ko na makantot kita. Pero if papipiliin mo ako sa dalawang option, mas appealing sa akin yung may proof just because I know hindi possible yung una" sagot nya. "Wala naman akong galit kay Christian,at wala naman akong kailangang I-prove sa mga tropa... Pero minsan pinagkakatuwaan nila ako na nagyayabang lang daw ako at puro imbento..."
"Yang si Christian nahuli ko na yan na behind my back sinasabi nya na feeling gwapo daw ako at wala naman daw maniniwala sa akin... May sarili pa silang group chat at pinagkakatuwaan itsura ko. Over confident at marami daw nababastusan sa akin" He added. "So yep kung mas convincing yung proof, mas prefer ko yun"
I've known Christian for a very long time and he does talk about people he dislikes behind their backs. He's friendly to your face even if he doesn't like you and then alienate other people to dislike you behind your back. So somehow naniniwala ako sa sinasabi ni Dan.
We were in the middle of our convo when suddenly a cab pulled in right in front of us and I lost my chance to tell him na wag na akong ihatid. My passive-aggressiveness came back to bite me as he's all convinced na something is about to happen between us. Dan continued to talk shit about Christian the entire cab ride while undecided naman ako between trying to find a way to turn him down nicely or let him have his way and see what happens.
Nasa likod ko lang sya and he was following me when we entered the hotel lobby. I thought if I didn't say anything, iisipin nya na ok lang na sundan nya ako hanggang sa room ko, so I stopped and said my goodbyes and thanked him sa paghatid. Humirit pa rin sya na kung ok lang daw ba na ihatid nya ako sa room ko habang naka ngisi sabay kindat pa sa akin.
I think it reached to that point where it's really up to me to decide if this is really gonna happen or not. The adrenaline of being a lone traveller in a foreign country and thrill of doing something crazy... do something I wasn't supposed to... and I can leave it all behind me was so tempting. I can let this stranger take me and won't have to worry about any guilt or consequences. I wanted to say yes but it felt overwhelming at that time and I chickened out as I've always been my entire life. I chose the safer option and I turned him down.
"Dan, alam ko what you're trying to do, pero I'm sorry but I can't let this happen. I think we've gone too far na. I'm thinking straight and trying to do the right thing. It was fun playing along and fooling Christian and thank you for that. But hanggang dun na lang... If you want to impress your friends, I can't be a part of that anymore. Pero thank you…." mahabang monologue ko sa kanya
He looked so disappointed pero he was still smiling. Humihirit pa rin sya na he just wanted to take a couple of pictures lang daw ng room ko at aalis na sya. He won't send it daw sa group or kay Christian kaya mejo nalito ako kung para saan pa yun. Anyway, I ignored his request and just gave him a smile and waved goodbye.
I went up and went straight to my bed with a heavy feeling around my chest. It was rude na paasahin ko sya but I know na I just avoided a potential catastrophe sa buhay ko. I know I made the right decision but I didn't feel good about it. I started remembering our kwentuhan earlier, how his bluntness and unfiltered words turned me on and suddenly there's a feeling of regret of turning him down.
Minutes just passed and I was bored na agad. I decided to make it right somehow... so I stood up, took a couple of photos of my room and sent it to him with a message "Sorry I was rude earlier. Here are the photos you asked for..."
Seconds later, he replied "K lang. Sayang naiimagine ko pa naman sinisisid ko pussy mo jan sa kama...".
I felt a sudden surge of libog run through my whole body after reading that message. Nakahiga ako sa bed at that time at napatingin ako sa lower body ko... and suddenly I was picturing his ugly face between my legs. I clenched my face while questioning myself "What are you doing J....?"
Sobrang Init ko. My fingers were all trembling while typing in my reply; "Ok you win. Eat me lang. No kissing. No lights. No more proof. No other requests. Nothing except eat me lang. Uuwi kana after and then forget that we ever met..."
Soon enough he replied kaagad asking about my room number. Naghesitate nanaman ako but before eventually changing my mind again, I typed in the number in and hit the send button agad.
I'm done overthinking. There's no turning back anymore...
